Friday, April 30, 2010

UCW's "Lost" Matches (Review)

UCW-Wrestling is opening its vaults to show us some never-before-seen nasty business.

The so-called "lost matches" feature two previously unreleased fights--edited versions of custom matches, the sort the company produces on demand for modest fees of $100 and up.

The first fight (#131) plucked out of the vaults gives us the current UCW Champ, Axel, in shiny black trunks, in a battle against El Chulo, in a blue singlet.  Chulo is bigger and ornerier than the champ, just the sort of bully Axel likes to beat up.

For his part, the luchador acts like he's bent on wiping Axel clean off the UCW roster.  His arm bar is calculated not just to wear Axel down but, even more, to put him out of commission for good.  And Chulo wants to humiliate Axel, too--rubbing his bare foot into the young stud's face while wrenching his arm all but loose from its socket.

You know where the story goes from here.  Axel, through sheer agility, resilience, and fighting heart, gains the upper hand over the grandes maton--and the foot used to humiliate the champ gets a good share of the hurt, in a long, satisfying act of retribution that sees Axel's own foot planted on the side of the heel's cringing face.

Of course, it takes more than this to keep a badass like El Chulo down.  Chulo isn't above biting to turn the tide back in his favor.  Any low tactic will do in a pinch.  And he proceeds to give Axel a good enough beating to make us dread the inescapably looming payback, even while Chulo is on top and imagining himself as unstoppable.

The bone Axel's going to pick with the burly wrestler is not going to be a funny bone; it's going to be a sorry-you-ever-stepped-on-the-mat bone.  And the tingle of anticipation grows till Axel turns on Chulo and begins to mete out justice with the hard bony knobs of his knuckles.

The second match (#132) pits Joker against James the Never Give Up Kid, in a rough, no-punches-pulled barefoot match that features heaping helpings of misery and humiliation and a virtually nonstop soundtrack of grunts and groans, punctuated with the rhythmic crunch of bones upon bones.  Both men are shirtless, and Joker, in particular, looks more ripped than I ever remember seeing him.

Joker, surprisingly un-mouthy for the first third of the fight (and comparatively restrained even for the final two-thirds), grinds his bare foot into James's face and then chomps his teeth into James's foot.  Diabolical!  James, in turn, rubs his foot in Joker's face and then picks him up by his feet, dangling him upside down till the blood rushes to his head--then, at last he slams him down to the mat on his head.  Merciless!

So, yeah, as you might have guessed, there's something here (in both matches) for the foot fetishists--Joker forces James to lick his toes ... four times!--and, I have to admit it, there IS undeniably something to be said for this kink--but that's not all there is to this fight.

Along the way, the boys dish out a bevy of other raw moves, ranging from strangulation to nose tweaks, from arm bars to back breakers, from gut punches to ball slaps, from wedgies to body slams, from hair- and ear-pulling to  bear hugs.  And I just know I'm forgetting something important here.

But, as in every good fight, the theme is justice.  We see the guys who think they can get away with anything get their nuts kicked up to their sinuses.  Yeah, payback is a bitch.  It is, in fact, its own sort of fetish, like wrestling and foot licking.  It has its age-old rituals, best preserved for us in the happily predictable laws of pro wrestling.

And whatever kind of winning streak a heel sustains--over minutes, months, or years--the "money shot" in pro wrestling is his comeuppance, which is always as delectable as it is devastating, filling us with desire and terror, both usually at the same time.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

This ... Is ... Awesome

With the first ever ROH World Television Championship Belt on the line, the American Wolves turned on each other this Monday night.  Tag team partners Eddie Edwards, 6'0", 214#, and super-studly roughneck Davey Richards, 5'8", 207#, fought a hard match, which, as it wore on, exhausted both men, left huffing, heaving, sweating, and clinging together even as they tried to tear each other apart.  It was the sort of brawl, full of long tight wet clenches and sudden reversals, that I remember from the old days of television wrestling ... and perhaps I have no higher praise to give than that.

See the whole 24-minute match in motion here and here and here via ROHBrazil.  Not a wasted second in the whole damn thing!

One Knight in Paris

One Knight in Paris is the name of a Euro-trash tag team, comprised of tattooed German hunk Michael Knight and French sophistico Pierre Le Prestee, who just last month got their asses handed to them at Premier British Wrestling by the Scottish team of CJ Hunter and Johnny Star (High Energy).  Better stick to the Continent, fellas--those Brit wrestlers are no fans of the EU, apparently.

I think Knight is one of the hottest European wrestlers on the scene today, and his partner, Le Prestee, intrigues me mostly because he's been known to dress up as a Parisian Apache dancer* from time to time.

The team name puns, of course, on the German's last name and the hometown of Le Prestee, but I've got to wonder about the preposition "in."  How porn exactly is that supposed to be?  Because, I'm just saying, I'd pay good money to see tough studboy Michael "in" the flamboyant Pierre--just name the place and time.

I'd even pay to see the two of them in the danse Apache.  However, I'd rather see Michael in the pimp role, slapping and hurling Pierre to the ground--Mister Conductor, strains of "Jealousy," s'il vous plait!


* To borrow, just this once, Bard of Neverland's series title--"What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)"--what turned me gay (and masochistic) as a boy was watching versions of Apache dancing on TV--even the Bluto and Olive Oyl travesty of it was a turn on.  That and, of course, Tarzan movies.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Muscle Men: Rock Hard Gay Erotica

I've got a wrestling story in the upcoming erotic tales anthology Muscle Men: Rock Hard Gay Erotica, edited by Richard Labonte.  Cleis Press is releasing the collection of fourteen stories of muscle-flexing kink and bicep fantasies, including mine (hey, it's first in the table of contents!), on June 1st.

The book also contains stories by Steven Bereznai, Jack Fritscher, Jonathan Asche, Geoffrey Knight, Larry Duplechan, and others.

Look for it at your local GLBT bookshop ... or here or here or here.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Carter Gray

On September 27, 2008, one of the great feuds of wrestling came to a historic boiling point and close.  Jason Hades settled his long feud with former tag-team partner Jayson Quick in a bloody I Quit cage match for IWA MidSouth Wrestling.  The match ended in Jayson's ignominious defeat:  Sneaking a screwdriver into the cage, which he intended to use in stabbing Hades, Jayson lost control of the weapon to Jason, who then brutally slammed Quick to the mat and held the sharp metal point to his eye.  Jayson Quick was reduced to blubbering tears and screamed, with more than a tinge of hysteria, "I quit!"

This was the end of Jayson Quick--but four months later, he reemerged as Quick Carter Gray--as dastardly, conniving, low-down mean, and, it must be said, lusciously stacked as ever.  And in short time he took home the IWA MidSouth World Light Heavyweight Championship, which he has so far retained.

To date, his feud with Hades is the high mark of Gray's career, but he remains one of the most complex and attractive heels working in pro wrestling.  Standing 5'10", weighing 185 pounds, the 23-year-old wrestler looks and acts just like the archetypal boss's son you have always wanted to take down.   Beefy and pampered, Gray presents himself as a mouthy know-it-all, habituated to a life where he is always supposed to get his way and others are expected to take the fall in his place.

Here are some Lyle C. Williams shots of Gray with his current manager, Rodney Rush:

Here he is in a May 9, 2009 Combat Zone Wrestling match against Drew Gulak:

And here is one more of Gray in a tough spot under Ryan McBride on July 29, 2009, again at CZW:


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