Monday, April 5, 2010
Match 128: Joker vs Andy (Review)
You may recall that a couple of months ago I was not wowed by UCW newby Andy on his first appearance against the champ, Axel. No star quality, I complained, and so thin he made even Axel look meaty by comparison.
What he had, though, was resilience. He took a lot of punishment. He sold the pain. And, on the rare occasions when he deigned to put up a little fight, he fought dirty. I liked that. Ball grabbing and wedgies all night long, like that creep you had to fight off back at sixth-grade summer camp. My recommendation to him then was to go where his heart is--fight dirty, aim low, get in touch with his inner cowardly heel.
With two matches behind him now, Andy has improved. Some. He has a lot of "spunk," as Joker tells him fairly early in this match. He takes a beating and comes back for more ... and Joker has an inexhaustible supply of whoop-ass to throw at him. But Andy takes a good half of the match to warm up to the fact that he's a wrestler, not a fucking grappling dummy. Sure, it's great the way he can take a body slam and a punch to the gut--I'm genuinely impressed--but something is just wrong wrong wrong when Joker is hurting himself more than the other guy is hurting Joker. It's just not the way it's done.
About a third of the way through this fight, Joker makes a brilliant proposal--"brilliant" in my book, anyway. He offers to make Andy his little protege and teach him how to be loved and hated at the same time. If anybody could make this happen for Andy, it would be Joker. This is schtick that Joker can spell backwards while blindfolded. There's nobody at UCW I hate more than Joker, and nobody in the world I love hating more than Joker. Joker has taken daredevil rowdiness and a definite cruel streak and given them style--he's the unholy spawn of Curly Howard and Josef Mengele, by way of Wile E. Coyote. He has so much loony heart in him that he can't stop jabbering--and, as noted, gives himself twice the pounding that Andy does. My hat's off to the little shit.
Does Andy take Joker up on this offer? Wait and see. I will go as far as to say that in the final third of this fight things get interesting! For most of the match Joker has been spouting off about how much he hates Andy--how much everybody hates Andy--and, having exhausted all his eloquence on the subject, he finally screams, "You suck!"
Andy shoots back, "That's what I did to your dad last night."
"My dad? My dad?" Joker's voice rises an octave or two.
This is when it gets interesting. Something suddenly snaps in Joker. It's like Oedipal, baby. The thought of sweet-lipped Andy giving dear old Pops some dome makes Joker apoplectic. The veins pop up on his forehead, and he turns two shades redder than a Stop sign. He pounces on Andy and commences to thrash--for a few seconds it's like poor Andy's fighting a weedeater. It's fast and furious, let me tell you, and worth the ten bucks you spend for the download.
My fingers are crossed for Andy. They truly are. He's cute, and he's got potential. In another two fights, I expect to see something. Right now, though, the reason to watch Match 128 is all Joker--love that guy's lip, dudes, love those tight pink briefs, and love those sexy hairy legs. Gimme as much of that stuff as you can spare, UCW.