Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ted DiBiase Jr

I really had never given Ted DiBiase Jr, 27, 6'2", 210#, a second look until the recent issue of WWE Magazine with its "26 Collectible Covers!" caught my eye at the local Kroger supermarket.  He had only recently entered my radar, since I seldom watch wrestling on regular television and never the WWE (my thought on the WWE-brand weekly series, as I have expressed it a few times already, is that they would be all right if they featured more than two and a half minutes of wrestling per half hour).

A month ago I would not have imagined that I would pick the DiBiase cover to run through the express-lane scanner, given the luxury of 26 choices.  My tastes in the WWE run more towards Morrison, Miz, Jericho, Punk, Cena, Orton, or even DiBiase's tag-team partner Rhodes.  But maybe I simply had not seen the right photo yet.  Something about this shot caught my eye, and I've wondered what it is on several occasions since I purchased the magazine on impulse a few weeks back.

DiBiase looks a bit like a smalltown sheriff's deputy with oafish fleshiness in excess.  He has the drowsy insolence of inherited celebrity, perfect for a heel and hard to imitate, by which I don't mean to imply that he could not have succeeded without a famous father preceding him in the business, but, truth be told, it's hard to imagine that having the "Million Dollar Man" for a father didn't help.

Part of the attraction is, I suspect, that he looks a little like one of several preacher's sons I knew back in my fundamentalist youth, clean-cut bad boys who, with sufficient provocation, would strip off shirts and pants to wrestle me in the dorm rooms and hallways of the string of Christian colleges I attended back in the 1970s, until I finally took a degree after six and a half years as an undergraduate.   Most of these guys are preachers at their own bible-centered churches now, with the requisite piano-playing wives and sexy, conflicted offspring alongside them.

DiBiase also has the odd, bulky muscularity that often fascinates me in regular un-GQ men--not the V-shaped torso of competition bodybuilding, more like its soft-serve version, slumping, fluid, humped, and smooth, the Michelin man on holiday.  It's the sort of body a working man might build--a high-rise construction worker, oil rigger, or high-school coach--mildly objectionable at first glance, but whose imperfection only amplifies its peculiar sexiness.

I could go on ... about the Jean-Claude Van Damme nips and pageboy-gone-butch haircut ... but I've said enough already.  Allure--any kind of allure, much more sexual allure--is hard to pin down.  Reportedly it's the accumulation of anatomical and chemical imprints from infancy to the present.  I don't know.  My "type" has never been entirely consistent.  It has included Greco-Roman gods, Irish roughnecks, Nubian wrestlers, stringy crackers, jungle boys, hairy-chested metalheads, rubber fetishists, emo naifs, imps, tattooed aristocrats, and blank-eyed Nazis.  In every case, the common denominator has been they look like somebody who would be fun to fight.  Hence ... obviously ... this blog.


  1. He's getting the WWE push. He even starred in the WWE-produced straight-to-DVD sequel "The Marine 2."

  2. I promised myself when I started this blog I would follow my kinks wherever they led me, little suspecting they would carry me to the WWE. I guess I just played into Vince McMahon's hands on this one. Thanks for the additional info, Bruno.

  3. 1. There's a mug shot of his when he was arrested for drunk driving that you can Google. Very glassy eyed and cute.
    2. I'm no big fan, but I do recall a YouTube video of (I think) a japanese match he had, prior to his WWE stint. Notable for the fact that he has trunks on and "DiBiase" across his ass and the commentators and camera people seem fixated on this as there is close up after close up. You'd swear it was a BG East tape.

  4. That's so interesting he never caught your eye at first, but I guess that's how it is sometimes. The arrogant swagger, the classic handsome face, and his body did it for me.

    Hmm, interesting analysis of his body. I see your perspective of it being odd and bulky, but to me it still fits the classic mold of the model body. Nice line dividing the two luscious pecs, as well the ridges of a typical 6 pack abs. An ass that pops out of his trunks as the commentor above mentioned. I suppose there's a softness to it. In that way it reminds me of Stone Cold Steve Austin who had some softness around the waist presumably from his love of beer, but still had the low body fat levels to make the washboard stand out. These guys both have the perfect combination of be both hard and grabbable. Life is just not fair sometimes!



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