Ever wondered if there's an alternative universe where it's still 1970 and where stout and fleshy wrestlers continue to grind each other in slow and sensuous holds, wearing each other down till they're slabs of sweaty gelatin in the center of the ring? Well, it exists. It's called Auckland, apparently.
New Zealand-based Pro Impact Wrestling has it all, baby: ugly brutes like Savage Beast, stony-faced warriors like The Samoan Silverback, anarchic jesters like Curt Chaos, glamorous heels like "Handsome" Danny Jacobs, and funny foreign stereotypes like Mischa Vladimir Ivanoff. Most of these guys would have felt right at home on the tiny black-and-white TV set in my bedroom, in North Miami Beach forty years ago, over whose static and snow and ghost images, I, behind locked doors, frantically adjusted rabbit-ears to guiltily but dutifully tune in to Championship Wrestling from Florida every week, volume down close to mute, hand feverishly stroking my cock.
So whether out of true-blue kink or simple nostalgia, as I sifted through a hoard of photos of handsome young muscle jocks my friends had plastered me with over the weekend (and thank you thank you thank you!), nothing cleaned my pipes as thoroughly as this 10-minute bout (via CTVinNZ) between 26-year-old David Deluxeo (a name too deliriously cool to be clipped and modernized to "Double D"), 6'1", 231#, and 30-year-old Vinny Dunn, 5'11", 265#.
This one did the trick for me. Chicken wings, hair pulling, atomic drops, clotheslines, outside interference, bending the rules, two counts, right-hand shots, drop kicks, a fatal distraction, and the sleeper! Job well done, boys, well done.