Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Desert Island Promotions

Okay, here’s the game.  You’re on a desert island and you’re allowed only ten wrestling promotions to provide the totality of your kink-wrestling entertainment from now till the end of time.

What do you choose?

BG East.  If BGE didn’t exist, four-fifths of my wrestling DVDs would disappear.  Not counting several freebies I got for services rendered, my collection represents a substantial financial investment on my part.  It would be an exaggeration to say that the cash equivalent would pay for a year of Ivy League tuition for somebody, but it would not be too far off the mark.  Life without Jonny Firestorm, Mike Martin, Kid Vicious, Bass Wallace, Vince Tarelli, Joshua Goodman, Daz, Big John Anderson, Velvet Revolver, Bullet Bernard, Alexi Adamov, Caleb Brand, Beau Nasty, Cameron Mathews, Eric Moreira, Kurt Eriksen, Mikey Vee, or Steve Sherman?  No, never, I couldn’t do it.

Ring of Honor.  If only for Tyler Black’s recent championship, ROH would be on my list.  But there’s more:  a roster that counts not only Black but also Rhett Titus, Austin Aries, the Briscoes, Roderick Strong, and Davey Richards among its members.  For a strictly kayfabe brand name, ROH offers the heart-pounding action of UFC, plus three times the drama.  For a non-kink-specific cable-TV enterprise, ROH displays an impressive amount of man-flesh and a slate of fighters who do not shrink from bringing the erotic subtext of wrestling right up to the surface.  All that, plus some of the best camerawork in the business!

UCW-Milwaukee.  A sentimental favorite.  Like a good daytime drama, UCW has got me all wrapped up now in the fates of Axel, Joker, Klown, Kevin, James, and the rest.  For a promotion that does not pull its punches by much when it comes to sheer willingness to sex it up and get mean, UCW still manages to have a kind of naive innocence that gets me hard.  (Don’t ever lose that childlike glow, guys.)  It’s a young organization, but it’s the only organization that has, so far, consistently upped the ante with each new release, creating slavish devotion and near-addiction on my part.

Krushco.  Krushco is, as the name implies, 71% Krush the man.  How you feel about Krush pretty much determines how you are going to feel about this promotion.  Here’s a guy with the size, skills set, and fighting heart to make every match he’s in work—not just “work,” but school as well.  His opponents, to a man, know they’ve been dealt with after Krush fights them to total exhaustion—and it’s hard for me to imagine that anyone has wrestled him without learning a thing or two about the science of the sport.

Can-Am.  I haven’t been keeping up lately.  The superhero, B&D, and latex kink got to be too much for me.  Truth be told, I probably just didn’t want to go in that direction.  I have a high susceptibility to kink, and I could probably go broke on harnesses and butt plugs alone.  But don’t even expect me to play Crusoe without my stash of Roman Stone, Jimmy Dean, Wyld Child, Jimmy Royce, Paul Perris, and Tom Flex semi-smut classics.  What, have you no heart?

IWA Mid-South Wrestling. The main reason for Smart Mark Video's existence, in my opinion.  Jason Hades is IWA's ace in the hole, but the roster has also included Victorious Secret, Ashton Vuitton, Egotistico Fantastico, Ricochet, Quick Carter Gray, Tyler Black (again), and Prince Mustafa Ali.  And the 2008 feud between Hades and Gray (aka Jayson Quick), culminating in a steel-cage I-Quit match, is the one for the history books, folks.

Pro Wrestling Fusion.  Fusion of what? you may ask.  Well, the offshoot of NWA Florida appears to fuse an array of international styles: puroresu, lucha libre, British-style pro, and all-American roughneckery.  Besides it boasts the newly styled and muy guapo TJ Perkins (the most incredible physical transformation this side of Taylor Lautner).  Nicely photographed matches, as well as a cool arty style, make it special.

NHB-Battle.  Max Anderson, enough said.  Its specialization in straight or at least realistic submission-style wrestling gives NHB, along with Krushco, a unique position on this list.  In addition to Max, there’s Axel, a close-enough ringer for an old boyfriend of mine, not to mention other faves like Bryan Hollister, Dane Tarsen, Dillon Walsh, Donnie “Brax” Braxton, Erick Brown, Jax Holland, and Swage.

AAW. Its motto—“Pro Wrestling Redefined”—is not much of an exaggeration, with no count outs and no DQs, and cards featuring Jimmy Jacobs, CJ Esparza, Louis Lyndon, Ryan Cruz, Davey Richards, Kyle O’Reilly, Vincent Nothing, Tyler Black (yet again), and Shiima Xion.

Naked Kombat.  This desert island must have Wi-Fi.  Even if NK never does anything else half as good ever again, the November 2009 Rusty Stevens-vs-Tommy Defendi match must exist.


  1. It's cruel to ask us to choose. All my choices would leave out Tyler Black. If push comes to shove, Naked Kombat is my cup of tea, though I've not yet seen enough great matches there to guarantee survival on a desert island for long. One match of Tyler Black on Naked Kombat might do it.


  2. Krushco wins hands down in my book--he's the only real wrestler out there putting out real submission matches. (ok except for his minor forays into the pro/superhero arena which he seems to realize isn't his strong suit). No one does it like Krush does, he's just 100% real man and real wrestler. Yum.



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