Wednesday, December 29, 2010

There Arose Such a Clatter


You have heard of the War on Christmas, right?  A bunch of bible-thumping wackos all bent out of shape because some fourth-century pope tacked the name of his god on a round of ancient pagan holidays (honoring the Son of Isis, Saturn, or Mithras, depending on the ancient pagan--look it up).  I don't get the point of the argument myself.  Christmas is as much about Jesus as Thursday is about Thor.  It's a frigging name, for fuck's sake, get over it!

Today Mr. Mike at Thunder's Arena sent me a war on Christmas I can get behind.  Frankly, until today the idea of a wrestling Santa did nothing, zero, nada for me.  I knew it was a gimmick used by just about every wrestling organization at this time of year, and it was, I figured, good for the kids, I guess, but nothing about this angle ever made my sugar plums want to get up and dance.  But evidently I was looking at it the wrong way.  I was thinking of Santa as the roly-poly Santa that illustrator Haddon Sundblom branded in the Coca-Cola colors back in the 1930s.

Thunder's Arena has done the gimmick the right way for a change.  Santa in red muscle-hugging Spandex wrestling a malingering blue Elf who wants to spend the holidays at home with his family.  Santa tries to defrock the whining elf, and the two set to an unzip-and-strip match to settle the true reason for the season--lots of toys for privileged girls and boys (Santa) or fair labor standards for workers and time-and-a-half for overtime (elf)--the political and economic implications of the red and blue gear are worth considering, really.

The dialogue is corny, but rather fun and kind of sweet.  The wrestling suits are sexy as fuck--a Morphsuit of my own is already Item #1 on my Wish List for next year.  The gear comes off about halfway through--not all-the-way off, of course--Thunder's Arena don't play that way--but enough off to see plenty of skin and a glimmer of pubes.  I have to say that Mr. Mike may have a new tradition on his hands here.  It's no Wonderful Life or Rankin/Bass TV special, but if homo-kink wrestling ever needed a holiday classic, this, my friends, is it.

It's well after Christmas now, yet still I don't want to spoil the surprise Thunder's Arena's "Christmas Chaos" packs.  It's who Santa and the elf are under the Spandex that makes the video a special treat for me.  Let me say this much, though, hint hint:  Santa is my very favorite Thunder's Arena wrestler.  I've never mentioned this point before in this blog, so don't even bother doing a "search" for the answer, though I welcome you to shake the package as much as you like.  As for the elf, he's an oh-so-close second and a good friend to this blog.

That I'm as taken with this sugar-frosted little gem as I am surprises me as much as it probably does you.  But it's a charmer.  The guys clearly are having fun here, and the cheer is contagious--and fairly hot, too, for G-rated entertainment.  And if any bible-thumping wackos are reading this, you'll be happy to hear a strike for your side, too, when the elf, frustrated with Santa's bitching, sighs, "Oh Jesus," putting the man who stilled the water right in the center of it all, where you, no doubt, believe he belongs.

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