Blogging is a masturbatory act. Like any other form of masturbation, blogging dabbles in fantasies and posturing. Ever since I reached the point of having memories worth replaying, I have boned up to real-life adventures, but the notion of limiting all reveries to real life strikes me as almost as rinky-dink as building modular homes--instead of castles--in the air. And if you are going to imagine the unlikely, you might as well imagine the impossible.
Bloggers have grandiose ideas of what we can accomplish. We dream that we will shake the very foundations of culture, politics, economics, art, religion, and celebrity gossip. If, at our keypads, we envision throngs itching to read our dissections of wrestling matches, it is not because we really think we are "all that"--any more than we really think Ryan Reynolds is going to knock on our door with a bottle of Wesson Oil and a plastic Twister mat.
I do not stroke while I'm writing my posts. But my blogging fantasies often intersect with my flogging, and laid-back and self-effacing guy that I am, usually, I am subject to flashes of egomania from time to time--dreams of becoming the Perez Hilton of fetishists or the Huffington Post of kink. Sometimes, I aspire to be managing editor of the Tiger Beat of pro wrestling.
Here is my short list of grandiose designs that have so far crossed my mind while writing Ringside at Skull Island.
- Persuading right-thinking men (and women) that to recognize wrestling's eroticism in no way diminishes it--and, in turn, persuading others that wrestling is a safe and lively complement to other forms of sexual play.
- Reviving the lucha-libre film, with modern twists, of course, and perhaps 3-D technology. It's high time for a remake of Santo vs Blue Demon in Atlantis (1969).
- Making the phrase "gay wrestling" a little less of a joke, while retaining a sense of humor about it.
- Getting personally acquainted with Roman Stone, Alexi Adamov, Velvet Revolver, Nick Teeth, Daz, Joshua Goodman, and Aaron Bolo, preferably all at the same time--with a bottle of Wesson Oil and a plastic Twister mat.
- Spreading the idea of periodic wrestling nights to gay bars throughout the North American continent.
- Coaxing a documentary film maker to chronicle the history of Kid Leopard and BG East.
- Inspiring artist Brian Kenny to create a wrestling-themed work of art just for me (presenting it to me personally in a Slick It Up neoflex jock and red sexecutioner hood).
- Petitioning the US Postal Service to issue commemorative stamps celebrating the lives and careers of Gorgeous George, Jim Londos, Lou Thesz, Jack Brisco, and other pro wrestling greats.
- Heading a homoerotic wrestling empire--even a modest, cut-rate empire.
- And, most recently, reinventing men's roller derby as a specifically gay combat sport, with go-go boys in trunks, elbow- and knee-pads, helmets, and Sure-Grip Public Enemy Speed Skates.