Thursday, June 30, 2011

Dum De De Dum-Dum, Dum Dum




If I were not doing such a bang-up job with my wrestling kink, I'd spend more time on my backup kink, haircuts. I'm bald now--or nearly so--so four or five times a month I buzz my hair in my bathroom, pining for the days when some slim, fine-featured dude pressed up against me to give me a nice trim along the edges. Long up front. The snip snip snip behind the ears, the deep, irregular breaths of an attentive barber, the press of fingers massaging deep into the scalp!  When I lived on the Florida Gulf, a handsome stylist--miles and miles of butch, just to spite his profession--cut my hair on the beach once. He wore an unbuttoned cotton shirt, wide open to flaunt his hairy chest and stomach, taut with muscle and smelling of talcum, while I stared out at the coke-bottle-green water.  

Hence my affection for a hair-versus-hair match. Best of both worlds. What I wouldn't give to get a razor cut while being held in a scissors! Cock as overheated and palpitating as a chrome-plated clipper! Axel's latest bout for UCW is billed as a "hair match." They take some liberties in the labeling, because in a proper hair match both wrestlers put their locks up as stakes from the beginning. Or so I would thnk. In this match, the trim comes as almost an afterthought. Santos gives the until recently unbeatable Axel a thorough thrashing, because shaggy-haired Axel keeps getting his name wrong. Then he pulls out the electric clipper and gives the unconscious ex-champ a makeover.  

Up to that point, the fight might be called standard UCW fare, which is far from an insult. Lots of ball torture, hair pulling, gut slugging, and baritone groans. Perhaps the most unusual aspect is seeing Axel so agitated before the match--downright pissy, as if he had just graduated from diva school, magna cum maintenance--and then so easily pushed around during the match. The man still has a lot of fight, sure, but not enough to stand up to Santos, whom he perversely insists on calling Sanjaya. (Santos, in turn, pronounces "Axel" a lot like "Asshole.") But then Santos is a big dude--and tough--and he's remarkably agile, at one point leaping up against the concrete column, so often used to bash heads against, and then kicking off the side of it, propelling himself into Axel.

It's a great little match. Not nearly hairy enough to be a real hair match, though. Santos' dark hair is already cropped close to the skull, so dubbing the bout a "hair match" leaves no doubt who the ultimate victor is. I liked watching Santos in this. His moves are awesome and his surly attitude, sexy as pink. And it's fun seeing Axel as the underdog against so capable an adversary.  Santos all but hobbles the guy. But if UCW wants to promote hair versus hair wrestling, I would prefer seeing Axel up against another tall, slim wrestler with curly locks of matching length and adorableness--lots of hair pulling on both wrestlers' parts, leading up to a clean finish.  But given the outcome of this fight, we may have to wait a good twelve months or more before Axel is ready again.

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