Saturday, December 17, 2011

"Nobody Wants a Pretty Boy Anymore"

Lex, 5'10", 170#, is exactly what Z-Man, 5'8", 175", needs: a striking contrast to and, more to the point, a full-frontal assault on the Z's pretty-boy image, a foe who is pound for pound and move for move his equal. Okay, there is a minor glitch in that both wrestlers can't seem to wipe the goofy smiles off their faces--that sort of thing can scare off a hard-on--and, for a good half of No Holds Barred 14, I could have sworn the cameraman was trying to balance on ball-bearings--whoops! another shot of ... nothing! But the smiles dissolve when the action heats up, and the camera catches more good stuff than shots of the wall. And, most important, this is the second Z-Man fight to churn my juices (read about the first one here).

A couple of months ago, Bard gave Lex his thumbs up, and I have to say I agree totally. Lex's ass is h-o-t, and the cheetah trunks do it proud. If Z-Man epitomizes latino suavo, Lex is the freckled, mohawked, tattooed, pierced, and strutting embodiment of WASP-American tough punk. This fall release is Lex's audition at Thunder's Arena, and I can't think of a better man to break him in than Z-Man. These guys bring out the best in each other, so perfectly matched in size, skill, and ego, and yet they are such striking opposites in style and charisma. Zack denigrates the new guy's scruff, haircut, and presumed inability to cut a promo. In turn, edgy, hardcore Lex retorts, "Fabio is dead" and dubs himself  the Arena's "new blood." After Z repeatedly interrupts Lex's attempt at a decent promo, Lex lets loose on him and shows him (and us) that it's not just the trunks that make this newcomer a wild cat.

You fans of Thunder's Arena like to hear about moves, I'm told. Well, I don't know all the names, but this match has moves--headlocks and backbreakers and ball-grabs, not to forget a climactic pull-no-punches gut-punishment showdown that reduces one man to quivering jelly on the mat. Z-Man is smooth and overweening as he demeans Lex while putting the auditioner through his paces, and Lex is swaggering disrespect personified. These two men try to out-hotdog each other for the full twenty minutes, and the results are sensual and savage. Cum-bust-ible. If Mr Mike (Thunder) knows his business, and I'm sure he does, he has signed young Lex to a three-year exclusive contract and doubled Z-Man's percentage on profits. I hope a rematch is in the works--these bad boys need at least one more shot at wiping the smiles off each other's face.

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