The Holy Goof

In the 1980s I felt a dubious attraction to actor Steve Guttenberg. He had a chipmunk-y face mismatched with hairy swole pecs and a hard belly. For me, the combination was jarring and hot at the same time. Somebody once described him as "Howdy Doody on steroids," and the epithet stuck in my mind, though, had I thought harder on it, I might have realized my attraction to him stemmed not from children's TV, but from Li'l Abner, an early crush of mine in the Sunday morning funnies. Later, in the 1990s there was Jerry O'Connell, too, as he appeared in Joe's Apartment and Scream 2--the body of a Greek god beneath a face that would look at home in Archie Comics. Then in the next decade, I found Ryan Reynolds' funny rubbery face uncanny, though likable, but his torso and arms made me wet myself. The odd but important thing is that the incongruity between faces and bodies was part of the appeal. The hot bodies without the goofy Hanna-Barbera faces would have probably interested me less.

I have a similar libidinous response to Canadian wrestler Ryan Slade. Especially when he wears his sideburns in mutton chops, he reminds me of a rockabilly marionette. His bright mean eyes look like they're powered by AA-batteries from behind. But his body is what completes the effect. It is exquisite, only enhanced by Ryan's willingness to exhibit it freely (not especially evident in these shots), sometimes appearing in the ring in nothing but wrestling boots and a thong. In the just-published photos above, we see Slade, 6'3", 212#, in an outdoors match against Impact Pro Wrestling champion Nicky Free, 6'6", 240# (yeah, I do like em big). In the end, Free keeps the championship belt for himself. The match looks like a lot of fun, with some of my favorite holds and spots.


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