Sunday, March 31, 2013


Given their milk-fed charms, perhaps it was inevitable that UCW would square Axel and Johnny Deep off against each other for Johnny's second outing--and pitting them against each other in the middle of an Easter egg hunt was pure genius. Nobody else does holiday specials this cloyingly cute and dreamy and yet so brutal and kinky--it's almost as if Robert Mapplethorpe had taken over Rankin/Bass.

The pair are hunting for tinted eggs stuffed with cash (could that be any more adorable?), but when Axel catches Johnny snatching the high-dollar eggs out of his basket, the battle begins. And it wouldn't be UCW if eggs and (ahem) baskets did not turn into a running theme throughout the 33-minute fight.  Nutsacks get a vicious bruising, and neither wrestler is shy about crossing that line.

For all their dewy, dimpled charm, Axel and Johnny are fighters to the core, and if their bashful aw-shucks smiles are disarming, all the better for flattening an opponent on the mat for some stiff punishment. For fans of UCW, no further description is needed. The company has a gift for infusing apparently innocuous situations with all kinds of menace and mayhem. "Gidget Goes S&M," as I often like to think of it.

Check out that solid bread-basket on Axel in the bottom picture--and Johnny's heavenly ass (my!) and then take in the full lips and Pepsodent smiles on those kissers. Who would not want to awaken this blissful Sunday morning to find these two, friskily bouncing on one's mattress? Now imagine these two cupcakes duking it out, heaping humiliation on humiliation on each other until one of them at last chokes the other out with the balsa-wood handle of an Easter basket!

For me, Easter was always the least edgy holiday of the year. But after watching UCW's latest release, I feel the need to pounce on something prettily rainbow-colored and punch the sweet creme filling out of it ... like, this very minute! 

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