It's Not Easy Being Green

 

UCW-Wrestling's first St Patrick's Day match features two of the company's recent enlistees, Damien versus Lance Thrust (in his debut). Axel is on hand to introduce the contenders and explain the rules: for each pin, submission, or knockout, the winner takes a string of green beads off the loser and the man with the most green beads at the end of 30 minutes wins a pot of gold ... and the loser's kilt. Hairy-chested Lance, who at long last solves the riddle of who has the best name and best ass at UCW, and the screamingly flamboyant Damien (in tiara) are, against all expectations, well matched. Though played for shits and giggles, the contest is energetic, with plenty of give-and-take action and typical UCW hijinks--i.e. rest assured that the guys' lucky charms and blarney-stones get clutched and twisted a lot. And, for the first time in my life, I see the appeal of kilts--sure, back in the day, Roddy Piper could pull the look off solo, but the effect is so much hotter when both wrestlers are kilted and bare-assed (in jockstraps) underneath.