Thursday, April 4, 2013

All-American Heel

With his Clark Kent straight-arrow good looks and bitchin' physique (back, butt, belly, and biceps: my four Bs), it's no surprise he'd catch my eye, and undoubtedly that's the reason why Comptroller, longtime friend of the blog, suggested I check out his matches on YouTube. The former Butler University Bulldogs defensive end, billed as 6'6", 250#, debuted in pro wrestling last October in the Midwest. As I write this, there are four of his matches online--enough to start a Justin Bieber-style groundswell, perhaps.

I've seen three very promising Pittman matches from the opening months of 2013: a January 12 (I think) match against Buck Boulder at New Generation Wrestling (top four caps), a February 23 NGW match against Mark Vandy (middle four caps), and a March 16 match against Billy Bart at New Era Wrestling (bottom four caps). Of the three, my favorite is his match against Vandy, 6'4", 205#, but he also shines bright against wrecking balls Boulder, 6'9", 271#, and Bart, 5'10", 288#, as well. I love it when big men brawl--especially when one of them looks as good as Joe.

But in addition to his insane handsomeness, Joe Pittman is working quite a doozy of a gimmick and angle in the ring. He plays the self-absorbed "nice-guy" heel, beaming his all-American smile for the fans, who detest him, who in fact squeal with delight every time he gets his very nice ass kicked by shaggier, rounder wrestlers, and boo and hiss every time Joe resorts to cowardly evasions and villainous tactics to beat his opponents.

Handsome heels are hardly new to pro wrestling. Usually they are played as effeminate and flamboyant--sequined robes and bottle blond hair. The "male model," like Rick Martel and Ashton Vuitton, offers a somewhat straighter variation, as does "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters. What makes Pittman's persona a little less typical is his lack of exoticism. Nothing flowery or pampered or extravagant about him, he looks like the ideal BMOC, Baptist youth director, and fitness trainer rolled into one. He is so perfectly the "hero" type that I get giddy every time the rotten shows through the all-too-perfect all-American, clean-cut facade.


  1. I just happened to find one of these Joe Pittman videos a few weeks ago on Youtube and I thought (after a couple of other responses of the non-cognitive variety), "Whoa, this young musclestud may think he knows how hot he is, with his all-american narcissist angle, but I don't think a clean-living (or at least a clean-hands-obsessed)stud out of central Indiana is likely to realize that a few thousand new fans are about to get strokin' to his "4 B's." We need to contact his girlfriend(s) and give them five dollars to whisper in his ear, "Aw, Joe, don't get rid of those lil' trunks, can't you make 'em even skimpier?"

  2. So, he looks like a Smallville clone, but behaves like Lex?

  3. So, he looks like a Smallville clone, but wrestles like Lex? Cool!

    1. Joe, I know that you have an affinity for sword-and-sandals studs from your younger days of movie turn-ons, and you may wish to check out Joe's pic on his blogsite, wearing a Roman soldier's gear in preparation for the Madonna halftime show at last year's SuperBowl. Pittman has plenty of young mid-western muscle displayed beneath the Legion's breastplate and leather. Now, if only he could perfect the awkward English dubbing over his Italian declamations.



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