Sunday, April 14, 2013

Black Dragon

Black Dragon is back. This is (by my best count) the wrestler's fifteenth appearance at UCW-Wrestling, his true identity hidden (and varying--having now been played by at least three different wrestlers) behind a super-cool horned red and black mask. Once billed as being from "parts unknown," he's now hailing from Tokyo, according to UCW's online roster. Technically a heel, he has always been a kooky figure of fun, less a stereotype of Asians (let's hope) than of cartoon villains. I once described his tactics as "holds you're unlikely to see anywhere else this side of a Bugs Bunny cartoon." The scenarios, the dialect, the dialogue, and the action have always been the farcical nonsense of talent-show skits in high school.

At the start of UCW's latest release, Episode 273, Damien asks the Dragon, "How do you say flawless in Japanese?" Dragon responds, "You gay?" Well, the question certainly was. But these are apparently fighting words for Damien. Damien's panties almost literally whirl up into a twist. He huffs and rolls his eyes at the camera, delivering his best no-you-di'int look, and exasperatedly calls for the bell. Then he promptly launches himself into his opponent. The Dragon almost immediately turns the momentum back against Damien with a couple of gut punches, a super-wedgie, and some nonsensical asides about sushi. Less than two minutes later, the Dragon's doll-baby butt cheeks are in plain view with the inscrutable ninja commanding Damien to spank them. There's twenty-five minutes of the match to go, and some serious fucked-up shit is already going down here.

I can't make heads or tails of three-quarters of this match, but it's full of captivating sound effects, vocalized by Dragon and Damien. We get Bruce Lee-tinged battle cries, crotch chops, death-rattle gasps, and a whole phrasebook of wedgie-whoops. The comedy aside (which never rises beyond the level of booger jokes, as far as I could tell), the fight action is give-and-take all the way. Dragon and Damien are well matched, and the outcome seriously remains in question up to the final five minutes. As with most of UCW's product, we get thirty minutes of nonstop mayhem, as the adversaries do their best to inflict lifelong injuries upon each other. These two guys' skills are unquestionable; their sanity, however, is another story.


  1. The popularity of tattoos these days sort of spoils the mystery of masked wrestlers, doesn't it? :)



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...