Saturday, April 13, 2013

XXL









Since Rock Hard Wrestling advertises its latest release as a "two round squash job," I don't suppose I'm spoiling anything by saying that Austin Cooper, 5'9", 170#, knocks party-size rookie Brian Baker, 6'4", 204#, off his high horse ... twice. The red-haired giant from out west thinks he can step into a pro ring with not a lick of wrestling experience and, on the strength of reach and leverage alone, defeat a trained and time-tested powerhouse like Coop. Austin won't have it. He derisively calls the recruit "big tree" on account of his sequoian stature (next to which, Cooper looks like a preternaturally buff eight year old) and perhaps, too, on account of his moves, which is to say not very many. What Brian has, though, is a whole lot of nerve and a glimmer of promise. Finding competition to go up against this guy may prove challenging for Rock Hard, since on average its rostered wrestlers stand under six feet and weigh in at about 175#--its next biggest fighter is Max Powers at 6'1" and 190#, but we haven't seen Max in the ring since Catalog 10 (and we're at number 14 right now).

Brian aims to make his mark by hitting Coop with a cheap shot to get Round 1 rolling. "For that, you'll pay!" Austin promises and then quickly recoups his alpha status by targeting the giant's back and legs in an agonizing series of stretches and backbreakers. The big lug's confidence that stature counts for everything in wrestling rubs Austin the wrong way, on principle. "I want to see you suffer. I want to see that pain"--and there's no question but that Coop has the chops to get what he wants! Baker shows some fire when he propels Cooper to the corner for some extensive pummeling, but in the end Coop twists him up in the ropes and makes Brian beg him to stop hurting him.

Undaunted by one humiliating loss, Baker opens Round 2 by challenging Cooper to an arm-wrestling contest. Coop looks at the guy like he's lost his mind and flashes his cannonball biceps to warn the upstart off. Baker insists on the test of strength, though, and Austin, a "lefty," agrees to go "righty" for him and, even at this disadvantage, overpowers the newbie. Brian sees his only option is to fight dirty and use his weight advantage to try to cripple Austin. However, Cooper gives him a quick lesson on what being a ring fighter means--just when you think Coop is down for the count, he comes firing back, faster and madder than a wet hornet. Youth and inexperience may convince Brian Baker that his size guarantees him victory. But all Austin Cooper sees is more square inches that need a fresh coat of pain.

3 comments:

  1. "Youth and inexperience may convince Brian Baker that his size guarantees him victory. But all Austin Cooper sees is more square inches that need a fresh coat of pain."

    Genius!!!!!!

    And by the way I'm painting my kitchen today! hehehehe

    ReplyDelete
  2. But he does look promising. Lets hope he persists despite the squash and learns and transforms into one of RHW's super-stars!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should add that Brian squashed nicely!

      Delete

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