Sunday, May 12, 2013

I Got One for Ya










Apparently coming out of nowhere, potty-mouthed Quinn Harper may be the biggest no-bones-about-it star UCW-Wrestling has produced in the last year. UCW's latest release [#279], Quinn's third for the company, only confirms my claim. I can't say I like his gay-baiting language, but slur-slinging is not even an eighth of the self-proclaimed "bringer of fucking pain"'s heel talents. The spit and image of Tobias Beecher after he went bad on HBO's Oz series a decade ago, Quinn has proved to be a master of combining paralyzing submission holds with stiff, welt-raising chops. 

He is perhaps the most unabashedly reckless fighter on the UCW roster. When, during the intros, Bodyslam reminds the fighters that the one and only rule at UCW is that the loser must still be breathing at the end, Quinn shakes his head and grumbles, "No promises." Quinn finds plenty of opportunities here to apply his stiff-thumb anal intruder. He applies it once with his victim's trunks halfway down his thighs. I have no idea what to call the move he introduces in this latest bout, in which he stretches apart Ashley Decker's legs and smashes the rookie's balls ... with his face!

Since this is Ashley's debut match at UCW, I kept waiting for it to turn into a squash job. It does not even get close. Villainous Quinn starts things off with a full-nelson hold that quickly transmogrifies to a dry-hump session. Ashley fires back, slamming Quinn's face--SPLATT!--to the mat. It's a huge surprise, coming from the modest, low-talking Tennessee boy, but plenty more surprises are still to come. The two physically well-matched wrestlers provide fans with a 32-minute nonstop give-and-take brawl. Probably like most wrestling fans, I like a good two-count for suspense. But this match clocks the fastest turn-around from two-count to reversal I have seen: just one second--at most, one-and-a-half seconds--from a near-triumphant call of "Two!" to what looked almost like a knockout.

Ashley Decker's gritty ferocity on the mat contradicts first impressions of him as a well-mannered Southern boy. Off the mat, he may be all sweet tea and thank-you-ma'am's, but on the mat, this guy is a bobcat. "Think you're bad?" he jeers as he turns the tables on the heel. He shows a sadistic streak that damn near matches his opponent's. All Ashley needs is for Quinn to give him one good reason to wipe the mat up with the heel's sorry ass. Quinn gives him thirty! Sick and tired of Harper's insinuative humiliations, Decker shoots back, "I got one for ya!" Quinn doesn't know what hit him. 

The battle accelerates, with three reversals in just the final two minutes. It all leads to one terrific finish that, while it does not exactly come out of nowhere, still knocks the socks clean off!

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