Thursday, June 6, 2013


The way I see it, this is the way Gladiator should have ended. Doug Brandon is Maximus--only totally badass--and Jimmy Dean is the arrogant and grandiose Commodus. In Can-Am's Doug Brandon Vs. Jimmy Dean: The Rematch, released about fifteen years ago, we have two of underground wrestling's indisputable heel superstars with more meat and more mean than they had five years earlier, when they were still just punks. 

There's not a hint of irony when these guys roar aaarrgh. Instead, I'm totally convinced these two are dead set on snapping each other's head off. Brandon Vs. Dean is the kind of match you find only at Can-Am. Starting in the ring, moving to the oil pit, climaxing with a stroke party, Brandon, in teensy pewter-colored trunks, stretched thin like a rubber band on a soccer ball, throttles Dean, in a silky tangerine bikini. They claw at each other's eyes and wring each other's balls. The moves are bold and stiff, suplexes, headbutts, off-the-ropes leaps, bites, and chokes, and the camera practically rides these guys like ponies, with ambitious yet highly effective editing-room tricks like a succession of shots that zoom tighter and tighter on Jimmy's ass with each spank Doug gives it.

Watching this grueling three-rounder in the squared circle, I'm half convinced that Doug Brandon was Davey Richards before Davey Richards was. Brutal and dominant, he is fearless and absolutely convincing. Filmed at a point in both wrestlers' careers when they were approximately the same size, which is to say big, the fight demonstrates that Dean and Brandon alike have catch-wrestling skills equal to many mainstream stars, unmatched by all but a handful of contemporary underground wrestlers. And they bring to it a level of intensity (both erotic and violent) hard to find anywhere, climaxing with a knockout.

When the two move to the oil pit, the action turns from fierce to erotic, as gear slithers down shimmering thighs, and cocks plump up like sausages. Dean's ass cheeks, in particular, look like they're made of Zectron, and they're dazzling! It's still wrestling, but spiked with slippery frottage and lots of shots of the two guys mounting each other like they mean to do something about it. Both are credible heels, but Brandon has bulk and balls over Dean. The whole hebang climaxes with a jerkoff session. A slow, squishy finish to a varied and well-paced give-and-take-and-cum classic.

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