Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Rubbed the Wrong Way








It's no surprise that UCW's horniest wrestler would team up with its most adorable preadolescent mischief-maker to attempt to massage the co-owner of the company ... to death. 

Really, it is not. 

The surprise is that we didn't see this one coming. The folks at UCW are known for embracing the absurd, the limits of which they have pushed further and further beyond over the years. First, it was Joker who was the wild card of the bunch. Now everybody at UCW is in the business of crazy. Video #316, one of the "lost" matches, adds deep-tissue massage to the company's trademark mix of bizarrities, nard blows, unlawful restraint, and stiff welt-raising punches. 

And it kinda works!

The premise is that bossman Axel and Johnny Deep agree to wrestle each other for use of the mat room. If Johnny wins, Axel has to scram and let Johnny use the room for his stretching exercises. If Axel wins, he gets not only the room to himself but also a massage from Johnny, who's training to be a massage therapist. 

Then Axel, who used to be such a nice by-the-rules kind of guy, sucker-kicks Johnny in the diaphragm and systematically attacks the boy's limbs one by one. (Keep in mind that at UCW the word "limbs" no longer refers to arms and legs, but to cock, balls, nipples, abs, and butt cheeks. It's a different culture over there. They have their own ways.) 

For the next 21 minutes, Axel, the more experienced fighter, mercilessly beats, humiliates, and emasculates Johnny. (Sidebar: For my money nobody snapmares anybody quite so well as Axel snapmares Johnny. Just my opinion.) CJ Devastation enters the scene later and strikes an alliance with Johnny to help give Axel the "massage" he deserves.

It's all good, silly fun, depending on your sense of fun, of course, with enough ball-grabbing, gut-punching, and cock-yanking to keep you wincing even after the show is over.

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