Friday, November 22, 2013

Devastatingly Handsome Heel

After getting the shit kicked out of him by Playgirl model Zack Johnathan two months ago, Logan Matthews, 5'11", 165#, jumps back into the Rock Hard Wrestling ring with Alex Waters, 5'8", 165#, which leads me to believe that the rookie has excellent tastes in men to get beat up by. Alex is the type of wrestler who makes my kneecaps turn to jelly: the archetypal "devastatingly handsome heel," the every-hair-in-place country club hellion I doted on as a teenager in South Florida. He looks like what I'd imagine Garrett Hedlund's beefier, meaner kid brother would look like, a perfect amalgam of senior-class president and schoolyard bully. 

Logan wastes no time trying to get on the bad side of this bad boy, taunting, "Don't be mad because I look better than you." Alex shoots him a fierce look that seems to say, "I can't wait to scrape pieces of you off my boots." On the whole, Alex is unimpressed with Logan even as a victim, much less as an adversary, repeatedly pressing him to "Struggle!" though clearly not going to be satisfied till the wide-eyed recruit is writhing and yelping helplessly beneath him. It's not enough for him to paralyze Logan in a rear naked choke and leg scissor. Alex yanks at his victim's hair too--then, insult to injury, suggests that he invest in some conditioner.

The rookie makes all kinds of threats while convulsing in Alex's grip, even promising to go after the tan hottie's bum knee as soon as he gets the chance. Seven minutes into Round 1, he gets the chance when Alex takes an ill-advised break to finger-curl his gelled hair. For a couple of minutes, Logan gives the bully a taste of his own medicine, but putting down a handsome heel like Waters is no easy task, and Logan lacks the moxie to sustain the advantage for long. Alex regains his rightful place as top dog, damn near cracks the guy's spine in two in a camel clutch, and then snatches away the gold chain Logan wears around his neck. Waters sums up Logan's first-round performance in one word: "Pathetic."

The 20-minute match looks like it's heading for an easy two-rounder for Alex. Round 2 promises to be a replay of Round 1, only without the part about Logan's getting a chance to come up for air. Waters and Matthews work up a nice sweat as Alex offhandedly pulverizes the fresh young talent, who inexplicably has a chip on his shoulder, at one point giving the rookie a good "taste" of his kneepad, clearly a dig at Logan's promise to target that knee at the first opportunity. Smashing his one and only weak spot to an exhausted foe's mouth is our devastatingly handsome heel's subtle way of asserting that even the chink in his armor is better than the best the ambitious rookie can bring to the fight.

This new Rock Hard release is my favorite in months, clearly superior to Alex's previous smackdown on teen arrogance in the person of Kyle Carter, a flawed but still hugely sexy match. You might have to go as far back as this summer's exhilarating tag-team contest (again with Alex front and center, but as a good guy this time) to find a fight I've enjoyed as much as Waters-versus-Matthews. My hunch is that Alex Waters is primed to be the new front man at RHW, the consummation of clean-cut badassery and suntanned sadism.

(My thanks to Bob at Rock Hard Wrestling for use of the photos, especially the top four, exclusive to this blog.)

1 comment:

  1. I was thinking on skipping this one, but I gave it a shot after reading this. And you are spot on! Thanks!!



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