Sunday, November 24, 2013

Eight Actors Who Should Wrestle ... Seriously

Hollywood has a lot of beautiful, muscly male stars who look good with their shirts off, but for only a few do I imagine a ring bell going ding every time I see them in a movie or on TV. For me it's not just a question of good looks, but also an attitude and the way they hold their bodies that make me imagine these gentlemen leaving the silver screen for the squared circle. There are many others whom I can picture on the mat, usually by mentally replacing their brains with those of Rick Rude, Jack Brisco, or Steve Austin. But these actors have the kinds of bodies I associate with wrestling, and already some of them have interest and experience in a variety of combat arts, so it takes less effort to picture them in spandex and under the hot lights.

This photo of Scott Caan inspired this post. As a kid, I had wrestling fantasies about his father after seeing Lady in a Cage and El Dorado, but Scott's got the better build along with that come-and-get-it look on his face. Damn!

Channing Tatum's weight "problems" worry some of his gay fans, but not me. I see an inch or two of pudge brimming over the waistband, and I'm thinking it's time for somebody to get body-slammed.

Admittedly, Jason Statham's physique reads a bit more as "boxer" or "mma" than "wrestler," a little too stiff and compact, but I'd pay good money to see him in a grudge match against Daniel Craig. 

Jeremy Jackson, the child star who annoyingly stole screen time from David Chokachi and Billy Warlock on Baywatch, looks, at 33,  ready for an elbow-drop to the chest.
I saw Ryan Phillippe's appeal in I Know What You Did Last Summer and 54, but after seeing him bare-assed in the last season of Damages, I started measuring him for baby-blue trunks and matching boots.

Stephen Amell's workout and torture scenes in Arrow are about the only reasons I watch the series on Amazon Prime, but happily the show has him working out and getting bound and gagged a lot!

Having already caught my attention in RocknRolla, Tom Hardy went heavyweight for  Bronson, Warrior, and The Dark Knight Rises, steaming my glasses a bit more with each new badass role.

Loved him as a Calvin Klein model but missed seeing him in the unpopular Tarzan TV series, in Vikings Travis Fimmel makes me yearn for some Norsemen grappling, mostly against Clive Standen, who plays his brother. (In this scene, Fimmel's character is inviting a captured Christian monk to join him and his wife in some lovemaking. Idiot monk declines.)

3 comments:

  1. Oh man, I would definitely add Ryan Gosling to this list. The perfect blue-eyed, ripped rookie jobber.

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    Replies
    1. I see your point, Gareth, but right now I still find Gosling more interesting as an actor than as a potential wrestler. His recent movie Only God Forgives is a fight movie, by the way, one I liked a whole lot more than my friends did. It's slow-paced, subtle, and surreal, at moments like a David Lynch movie, at others more like the director's previous film with Ryan, Drive. I liked it enough to buy it on Blu Ray.

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  2. How can you say no to getting in the ring with Chris Pratt, either in his former shape as lovable sloth Andy Dwyer on "Parks and Rec," or slimmed down and built out for his role in "Guardians of the Galaxy." See the good difference here: http://media.heavy.com/media/2013/07/chris-p.jpeg

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