Sunday, January 12, 2014

Notes on a Classic: Cyberfight 50

I don't know why this match has not appeared earlier on Ringside at Skull Island. The other day I was looking for it, positive I had already posted something on it. I found three drafts of a "favorites" list which never saw the light of day because, for one reason or another, I could not link this match to a review on my blog. Three times I must have resolved to discuss this fight on the blog just so I could include it on the list, and three times I forgot, and the fourth time, apparently, I settled for revising the list minus Cyberfight 50, blond hothead Scotty Mac's wood-polishing battle against rust-haired Jä Jakobe. (As I write this, this DVD is on sale at Can-Am for $11.97. Stuff this wonderful hardly ever comes this cheap.)

, 6'1", 185#, testily accuses Scotty, 5'9", 191#, of stalling while the ref pats the brickhouse blond down. The two meet in the center of the ring. Jä presumptuously puts his hands on Scotty's chest at the moment the bell sounds, and forthwith Mac backs the guy to the corner with five hard punches to the head. Jakobe reverses, delivering four punches of his own before whipping Scotty to the opposite corner.  charges, but Scotty catches his head between his ankles and flips him. Another blow sends Jakobe over the ropes to the floor.

Now it's Jä's turn to stall. The ref counts to seven before the spiky punk puts his foot inside the ropes, but only long enough to restart the count. When he does reenter, Scotty's right there at the ropes to greet him. A combination of clothesline and boot-stomps flattens Jä facedown on the mat. Not nearly finished with him, Scotty pulls him up by the hair and punches him to the ropes. Whipped to the opposite ropes and back, Jä finds himself in the abdominal stretch we see in the top photo. Scotty holds him paralyzed like this for 20 seconds (this is what first sold me on the VHS tape and later DVD of this match) until Jakobe amazingly powers out.

Jakobe drives Mac into the corner, where he delivers a series of punishing blows targeting the jaw and, especially, spine. Then an Irish whip sets Scotty up for a flying dropkick and crossbody cover that lasts two counts. Jä accuses the ref of a slow count, though really it's hard to imagine anybody saying "one two" any faster. The time wasted talking lets Scotty figure out a way to get Jakobe on his back and then catapult him to the turnbuckle, where he starts giving the punk a taste of real punishment, using in turn (it looks like) all four ring corners.

Scotty breaks the imaginary fourth wall and talks right to the camera, telling us that Jä keeps falling on his face just to avoid Mac's followup moves. A camel clutch looks like the right thing to do to settle Jä, but Jä muscles out. The punk's short-lived advantage is still brand new when Scotty tosses him to the concrete floor and then, after a count of four, pulls him back into the ring by his hair and the seat of his tights. Mac attempts an elbow drop off the top ropes, but Jakobe evades it, leaving Mac with the sensation of having razor-wire in his armpit. Both wrestlers are on the mat, barely able to move. The ref starts the ten count.

By eight, Jä has manfully pulled himself up by the ropes. But Scotty grabs the back of his tights and flips him over for a two-count. Not satisfied with a near miss, Scotty stomps the back of Jä's head and snags him up in a deathlock. Jä struggles to get his hand on the bottom rope to force a break. It takes him 15 agonized seconds, but he succeeds. Mac decides what this boy needs is a piledriver, and that pretty much works in bringing Round 1 to a close. The ref raises Mac's arm so we can see the victor's sweaty armpit as Scotty breathlessly tells us, "Scotty Mac ... did not come to Cyberfights ... to lose. Jä Jakobe ... he found that out."

Round 2. "Want some more?" Mac taunts. Jakobe barely gets his answer out before the bell sounds, and he's getting more whether he wants it or not. After a rough start, Jä gains control. This entire match is full of prolonged, brutal corner work (the reason I later bought the DVD to replace the worn-out tape). With Scotty's face on the turnbuckle, Jakobe delivers three kicks and three shoulder thrusts to Mac's lower back before moving this fight out of the ring and away from the ref, tossing Scotty to the concrete floor by the scruff of his neck.

Jä proceeds to bash Scotty's forehead to the edge of the ring. The ref starts counting both men out, and Jä tells him, "Shut your mouth." Right then he cracks Scotty's spine against the sharp edge. Scotty tries to comply with the ref's orders and crawl back in under the ropes. Jakobe pulls him back for some more off-the-clock funtime. This time it's Jä who breaks through the fourth wall, pulling Mac by the hair and shoving his face to the camera, so we can see it go all rubbery when he slugs his fist into it. With that, Jä decides to push Scotty back into the ring to continue the brawl officially if not legally, first by choking his man on the middle rope. Ref or no ref, Jä's determined to do only what he wants to do at this point.

More corner-work subdues Scotty Mac, in preparation for a piledriver that's all set to bring the round to a big finish in Jä's favor. However, Scotty's foot lands on the bottom rope, so the fight is not over. Scotty powers out of a second attempt at a pin. Enraged and frustrated, Jakobe once again tosses his sweat-drenched opponent out of the ring and then tugs him back in by his head. He climbs to the top of the corner ropes, but Scotty spoils his try for a high-flying finisher. Scotty climbs the ropes to face him nose to nose, slaps him across the face, and snapmares his ass to the mat. More soaking-wet punches and chokes ensue till Jä at last taps Scotty out with an Indian deathlock. He refuses to let the ref raise his arm in victory, saying he will lift his own arm.

If you read the match's catalog description, you can imagine how Round 3 goes. Cyberfights would have us believe that this is a squash job, with an ambitious Jä Jakobe getting in way over his head by taking on muscly Scotty Mac. Jä is indeed way over his head, but I hope my description of the first two rounds clarifies two things: one, Cyberfight 50 is a close give-and-take nutbuster from beginning to end, and, two, whatever Jä Jakobe gets in Round 3 he only gets because he fucking deserves it. Episode 50 thoroughly satisfies my "comeuppance fetish" and my love of hard-fought even contests, but if it helps Cyberfights sell more disks by implying this is a one-side jobber squash, so be it--this is a fight the kinkster world needs to see and other wrestlers need to take notes on.

1 comment:

  1. Wood polishing fight indeed. This was a years ago VHS purchase, played, paused and slow motion stopped so many times that the video degradation on the screen was obvious. As a result of a thoughtfully placed link and a couple of mouse clicks, my dick will rise again to the DVD version of this fight when it arrives at my door in a few days. I remember being so taken with Jä's lean muscled body at the time that countless hours were spent researching his fighting background. Though he exhibits the skills of an accomplished wrestler in this fight suggesting that he may have worked professionally, i was never able to find any evidence of work beyond the cyberfights catalog. In a forum recently. i was reading a debate in which one of the participants was arguing how 2 men fighting, not naked and not seemingly physically aroused, could be considered pornography. Not everyone gets its, but for me, this fight exhibits the skill, look, gear and everything necessary to get that tingle between my legs going just as effectively as any porno. If any of your readers have further details on Jä, feel free to post. And as all of us know, imagination is key to the process, so creating a completely false back-story that suggests Jä and his fellow combatant were actually lovers is completely OK, just sprinkle in a few near facts to make the story plausible.



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