Yes / Um, Not So Much 3
Here I am again exploring the wacky world of things in wrestling that turn me on--and things that are, well, meh--fine enough if you like that sort of thing, just not for me. I understand chacun à son goût and all that, and wholeheartedly approve of others' pursuits of whatever gets their particular rocks off, but, self-absorbed man/only-child/Aries/German-American that I am, the only goût I care about is mine. Feel free to carp, cavil, and criticize, though, because that's why Blogger made a "comments" box.
The claw, because even though I know it's one of the most kayfabe "holds" in the business, it accomplishes three things of importance to me: (1) it gets the two fighters up close to each other (and I mean rightthereontopofeachother-close), (2) it gives the victim space to thrash around, flailing, screaming, flesh wobbling, muscles flexing like all get out, and (3) invariably, the aggressor gets this grim, super-macho look on his face, hot as steamin' jockstraps, which is invariably what totally sells it.
UM, NOT SO MUCH
The chop (and, yeah, save the hate for somebody who gives a rat's ass), because it's too damn quick and it typically keeps the opponents apart from each other. I do not myself despise gut-punching, bitch-slapping, or blows of any kind; all I'm saying is usually it doesn't make me go bang, all the worse when it constitutes more than a thirtieth of the total match time. I get that it's snappy, and butch, and sometimes real, thus impressive that the recipient can take such a stiff blow without ... like ... dying. I buy into it (I might even say "love" it) as a provocation that gets the wrestlers so steamed up that they've got no other choice but to knit their arms and legs together and squeeeeeze.
The crab, because it gets crotch up against bum, because it gets feet up into armpits, because it smashes the victim's face to the mat. It looks like both sex and torture at the same time, so, sick fuck that I am, it almost never fails to rev me up. I like it best when the victim is sturdy enough to take it long time and the victor holds his O-face on pause for thirty seconds or more.
UM, NOT SO MUCH
The surfboard, because, like a lot of other popular pro-wrestling holds it looks like something I'd expect to see at Silver Springs, but on skis, and it looks like nothing I'd expect to see when two dudes are wrestling in the basement. The surfboard is one of those wrestling holds that exist because somebody came up with the name first. For me, it works mostly because of the name. I dig surfers. Again, it's not a move that I absolutely despise, but it's one that more than likely will encourage me to fast-forward through to the next move.
This, whatever the fuck it is, because, even though it looks like a synchronized swimming move gone horribly awry, it busts my rocks. Perhaps you're getting the idea that there's no clear rhyme or reason to what I like in wrestling. If so, I congratulate you on your sagacity. I think I like it because it's something Kid Karisma does. If that's not enough of a reason, I'd have to say the triangularity of it somehow appeals to my love of symmetry. The knee-to-the-buttocks thing works for me, too.
UM, NOT SO MUCH
Arm-wrestling challenges and, I'd have to say also, arm-wrestling in general, because, even though a great biceps and triceps combination makes me drool like a bulldog, arm-wrestling looks like a test of strength designed expressly to steer clear of the main erogenous zones of the male body. Okay, fingers. It involves fingers, I'll grant you, but the arm-wrestling grip does not involve the intertwining of the fingers, which (I don't like to complain) was a big oversight on the part of the inventor of this contest.