Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Not a Mark on Beautiful Bobby Bluejay

Who's the preening pretty boy in the baby-blue gear? It's "Beautiful" Bobby Bluejay, one of my favorite pro wrestling heels on the indie circuit today, though I've seen only four or five of his matches on YouTube (one against a giant banana--talk about symbolism!) and most of them shot through a dirty lens from somewhere behind the concession stand--mostly shows for Fight the World Wrestling out of New York. 

Bobby, 5'10", 194#, makes a grand entrance, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from his reflection in a hand mirror. I have seen much better footage of his wrestling under another name for a promotion often covered on this blog and Inner Jobber *, but I'm especially taken with Bobby as a vain, dolled-up heel who flaunts the fact that there's not a mark on his face or luscious physique. It's almost as if the guy is asking for it. What a great provocation for any wrestler (or giant banana) worth his salt!

His inspirations appear to be 80s wrestlers of my generation, like The Ultimate Warrior and Rick "The Model" Martel. He looks like a life-size Stretch Armstrong toy brought to life, which, along with his narcissism and pampered insouciance, goads even me to want to punch his lights out ... and I'm a fan.

* A hint.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014


This one will keep you guessing, even though the title tells you what you ought to expect. Rock Hard Wrestling's Bad Boy Bashing starts off with Alex Waters making a cocky entrance all in black, including black leather jacket and black-rimmed shades. Ethan Andrews mocks him for being a stereotype, a self-parody of the arrogant biker boy and bully. Alex stays aloof, too cool for Ethan, too full of himself to bother with an opponent who has waited a long time to get his hands on him. I'm surprised it has taken RHW so long to pair these two up, since Ethan's raison-d'etre is to trounce muscly hot shots like Waters.

Ethan fires up fast. All it takes is one of Alex's crooked, white-toothed smiles, and Ethan is all over the guy. Alex is not used to being whipped like this, and he's none too happy about it, but for about half of Round 1, he has no choice but to take it.  When the handsome heel does turn the tables, I can almost see his pulse accelerate and the bloom rise in his cheeks as he stuns Ethan with a crippling arm bar. This is Alex's "happy space": causing others pain. But Ethan is tougher than his pale, slim build would suggest, and he regains control, forcing the fancy muscle boy to submit at round's end. But a more anemic submission I have never heard, the "I quit" of somebody who just woke up with hay fever, rather than somebody having his spine cracked in two. Somebody's looking pretty pouty all of a sudden. 

Ethan wants to finish in Round 2 what he started in Round 1, and Alex wants to avoid a replay of his recent humiliation. Ethan continues being the aggressor, but this round gives us more give and take between the two, warmed up now and each ready to put forth his best, by which I don't mean the prominent stretch at the crotch of Ethan's red tights. Speaking of which, though, we get a sense of the depth of Alex's depravity when, having landed Ethan's back to the mat, he stomps his opponent's impressively peaked and rock-hard knob. You will have to hear the screams for yourself. I lack the words to do them justice. This low blow leads to the events that bring the round to an end, and sets fans up for what promises to be one huge ass-kicking in Round 3.

And Round 3 lives up to the promise! Yet there are turns of fortune you might not see coming. I'm going to stay mum on the details.  I will say only this: a foreign object gets introduced into the ring--which I think might be a first for RHW--that leaves one of these warriors virtually blind for the rest of the match. An interesting development that may explain why Bob at RHW hinted in a recent email, "This is likely a feud that will continue."

This could get very interesting.

Monday, April 28, 2014


These are the 20 best screen caps I could get from this match that Eli Jav sent to me last week. The quality of the video is low, as you can tell from these shots, but for me the defect makes the match dreamlike. I'm reminded of the grainy, high-contrast images of Championship Wrestling from Florida I watched as a teen on a six-inch Sony I bought when I lived in Japan, crummy rabbit-ears reception and the volume so low I could barely hear it myself, just so my parents wouldn't know what I was watching through my locked bedroom door. I'm also reminded of the chiaroscuro of 1950s film noir, the visual styling of urban corruption and seedy malaise--still in my mind the best setting for wrestling.

Josh Daniels and Tony Nese go head to head in a rock-em, sock-em battle, that goes beyond the pale into the realm of choke-em, drop-em, bite-em, too (that sixth shot, right out of Silence of the Lambs). This was on October 17th, 2012, on Ace Pro Wrestling Overdrive, broadcasting out of Union City, New Jersey, than which an American can't get more crustily blue-collar. Eli says, "Josh Daniels isn't really my type, but I do love him being sadistic on Nese, that beautiful man." I might like Josh more than Eli does, and Tony a tiny bit less, though admittedly given the choice of either as my personal trainer, I would unhesitatingly go with Tony, that beautiful man.

But it is Daniels' sadism that makes this match. Nese plays to it beautifully, too, both in his anguish and in his defiant, justice-minded outrage (those gorgeous ninth, seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth poses, above--like a god). But check out Josh's maniac smile in the fourth picture. Then the way he straddles Tony's brawny body in the fifth shot, amazing the ringside commentators with the savagery of his blows. And when at last the ref shoves him off Tony's quivering body, he lunges back to bite the handsome kid on the top of his head! (The sixth picture.) In the tenth picture he stalks his badly wounded prey, with the slow, expressionless gait of Michael Myers in the original 1978 Halloween. Is it possible to deny the crazy in those eyes in the twelfth and thirteenth shots?

This match is incredible, despite (or, arguably, because of) the lo-def look of the video. I write this a day after the last time I watched this fight, and the second, fifth, ninth, fifteenth, sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth shots still porn me up. They will haunt my dreams, I hope.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

The Wrath of Black Dragon*

There's probably no knowing the true identity of Black Dragon. Ahem. No, really. UCW's contribution to the time-honored tradition of grotesque racial stereotyping in wrestling has been embodied by a lot of different bodies, including rising stars and former UCW champions. Of all the Black Dragon matches, I consider this latest one [#347] the sexiest (and this the sexiest embodiment of the Dragon, too). 

Kinky Nick Diesel, a former UCW champion (for about 20 seconds), takes on the mysterious "Japanese Muscle" in a wild, woolly brawl that, despite its jokiness, is pretty intense. Tough killing-machine that he is, Diesel succeeds in stripping Black Dragon of almost everything but his mask. (In my heart of hearts, I have hoped it would be Hiro, UCW's authentically Japanese wrestler and rapidly rising star, who would get to kick the ass of Black Dragon and unmask him for the shameful fraud he is.) 

Along the way, we get the usual kicks, chokes, punches, and some pretty outstanding leg work. Upping the sexy-time quotient is Black Dragon's striptease down to a black G-string and plenty of compromising positions that will have your grandmother scratching her head and asking whether this is プロレス [puroresu] or ゲイポルノ [geiporuno]. Does it have to be just one or the other?

* 黒龍の怒り [Kokuryū no ikari]

Saturday, April 26, 2014


Tristan Archer, 5'10", 198#, and Marc Sébire, 5'11", 196#, come out punching in this Ouest Catch event from March 15th in Piouasne, France (watch all 23 minutes of it here--for some reason there's no sound for the first two minutes and for part of the last two minutes). The crowd is mostly on Tristan's side, though Marc gets plenty of love, too. The action is sweaty and grueling, and the punching's pretty much nonstop. I'm reminded how much I love out-of-ring slugfests, especially the part when the less damaged of the two groggily hurls his adversary to the ring apron and under the bottom rope (photos 6 and 8, above). And nothing tops off a volley of punches as crisply and loudly as a body slam. Marc dominates Tristan for half of this match, piledriving him into a steel folding chair at the halfway point (12:47--photo 13, above). A TKO stops the match, and at the end, in a sportsmanlike gesture I miss in most US pro wrestling, the two opponents give each other hugs, minutes after trying to tear each other in two. By the way, ten days after this match Tristan wished me a happy birthday on Facebook--can you tell I was thrilled?--and, yeah, I'm narcissistic enough to make this about me.


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