The appeal of the handsome bully is a bit troubling for me, although to my credit I do have the good sense to separate fantasy and reality. My main concern has been the possibility that my tastes betray some degree of internalized homophobia. If so, then I am a flawed gay, and frankly I can live with that, even though my particular kink bars me from the sort of relationship that blossoms into a lifelong commitment and, eventually, gay marriage and adoption, guideposts in life which I'm told are fulfilling, but, for whatever reason, have not motivated my life choices, ever.
As a child in the 1960s, before I had even heard the words "homosexual" and "sado-masochism," I yearned for a big brother to be tormented by, tough love to "steer me in the right direction." I craved a dominant male figure, ideally beautiful and good (not at all villainous, but masterful and strong). I wanted an enforcer and protector, not a brute. My "just punishment" fetish was fed by Popeye cartoons, Tarzan movies, Superman comics, and Westerns on TV. I fashioned my fantasy big brother, always righteously strong-arming me to "do right," on Sean Flynn, Michael Callan, Robert Conrad, James MacArthur*, and other B-movie screen idols I combed through fan magazines for shirtless pictures of.
I might be a sick puppy, but I've managed to stay true to my kinks for decades without caving to social pressures to conform and assimilate to norms that never fit well on me yet remain relatively functional and emotionally balanced. This perseverance has made me an ideal mark for
BG East and its sexed-up take on wrestling and male domination of male. Although for the most part BGE and the majority of gay wrestling fans favor the demolition of muscle boys whose only crime is youth and beauty, my imagination has swerved these narratives towards the triumph of square-jawed heroes over cowardly cheats who only need a good licking to be set back on the paths of righteousness. Masterful clean-cut hero types like Blaze, Brad Rochelle, Dave Christian, and Mike Columbo are in abundance at BG East, too, and they are easily adapted to fulfill my boyhood dreams of a valiant big brother whose strong arm is sure to keep a wayward kid from being the all-out brat he might otherwise have been.
To be continued ...
* Swiss Family Robinson (1960) left an early imprint on me, with its subplot of brothers (James MacArthur and Tommy Kirk) who fall for the same girl (while she's disguised as a boy) and wind up angrily wrestling each other in a leech- and snake-infested river.
Picture #1 haunted my imagination for years... until Demolition 4 was finally released on DVD. It is great to see the retrospective.
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