Saturday, September 27, 2014

The 24-Minute Dash

Oh shit this is delicious! Rock Hard Wrestling's latest release opens with a trio of fleeting but indelible moments that start my ticker racing before the match even goes into full swing. First, it's Dash Decker's boot obliterating new wrestler Colt Stevens' pricey shades. Next, Dash slips his T-shirt free of his torso just seconds after flattening Colt and denuding him of his baggy shorts and T. But the boner moment for me is Decker circling the fallen rookie like a predatory cat ready to pounce (first photo, above).

Decker is edging past the competition as my favorite Rock Hard wrestler of all time. I mean, this is a body that kills! He entered my radar immediately with his debut, the fun and sexy beatdown of a shitfaced Josh Steel last spring. But with this match he enters the deepest, darkest recesses of my fantasy life. I used to be impressed. After this match, I am enamored. His rugged good looks, combined with his insatiable hunger for causing the new kid as much suffering and humiliation as he can squeeze into 24 minutes, is now permanently etched upon my wrestling kink.

And Colt! God, Colt! Colt ("I'm a model, not a wrestler!") plays no small part in putting Dash over in this bout. In his first RHW match, already this kid has the best "bully face" of anyone on the roster--that includes both the look of slack-jawed sadism that contorts his cherubic face when he's delivering a beating and the satisfyingly abashed look he displays when the beating is being delivered to him. He has a distinctly different expression to sell every permutation of suffering and triumph he experiences in this battle--and with shaggy blond curls that beg for pulling and full wet lips stretching wide to reveal viciously bared teeth, the punk is destined to have plenty more experiences like these.

The phrase "instant classic" is way overused, but this match is all over it! The violence escalates bump by bump to a sweat-soaked finisher that's burned into my retina. I'm looking through that image right now as I try to type. At this moment I feel like I wasn't even alive until I saw this fight! Hyperbole? Definitely--in a few hours I'll regret those words, I'm pretty sure, cautious rhetorician that I usually am--but right now the words don't seem half enough to express how jacked-up I am over this match.


  1. Okay, I've been on the fence about Decker, but your write-up and those new trunks have convinced me. I just downloaded this match and his match vs. Josh Steel. Hopefully, he can join Jake and Alex as must-download RHW guys.

    1. I think he can, Alex, but I can speak only for my tastes. And I would put Josh and Austin too on my must-see RHW list. I hadn't considered the red trunks as a factor, but you're right about them. Now, the bulge I did consider, though I didn't mention it in the blog. What I find interesting is that, for me, it took the right opponent to bring out Dash's best qualities, and Colt seems to have been the right teen model at the right time. I can't be objective about this sort of thing, but Decker-vs-Stevens is the first match I've seen in a long time that I wanted to rewatch immediately.

  2. I just recently watched a DVD with matches featuring Decker and Waters. Those studs are hot!

    I don't know if it's the scripting or what, but the difference between them is that Waters has a greater variety of holds and they seem to be more creative, I guess.

    Don't mistake me, I want to see as many matches with them as I can , but RHW needs to step up to match the quality of action to that of the man. I hope that they follow up with the reply they sent me and team them up together.

    Finally, both matches were flawed in that the implication was that Steel would have won if he hadn't drank some beer and that Waters won only because he used a foreign object. I think that both would have won, regardless, and should have been allowed to do so. Neither needs this diddling around.

    Steel is formidable, has bulked up considerably, and that match could have gone either way. I'm happy withe the result but wouldn't have too disappointed if it have gone the other way.

    But Andrews isn't close to being in Waters' class. I'm so glad that Waters won. EA's history of winning in spite of his weaknesses made me fear that it wouldn't have ended the way it did.



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