The 24-Minute Dash
Oh shit this is delicious! Rock Hard Wrestling's latest release opens with a trio of fleeting but indelible moments that start my ticker racing before the match even goes into full swing. First, it's Dash Decker's boot obliterating new wrestler Colt Stevens' pricey shades. Next, Dash slips his T-shirt free of his torso just seconds after flattening Colt and denuding him of his baggy shorts and T. But the boner moment for me is Decker circling the fallen rookie like a predatory cat ready to pounce (first photo, above).
Decker is edging past the competition as my favorite Rock Hard wrestler of all time. I mean, this is a body that kills! He entered my radar immediately with his debut, the fun and sexy beatdown of a shitfaced Josh Steel last spring. But with this match he enters the deepest, darkest recesses of my fantasy life. I used to be impressed. After this match, I am enamored. His rugged good looks, combined with his insatiable hunger for causing the new kid as much suffering and humiliation as he can squeeze into 24 minutes, is now permanently etched upon my wrestling kink.
And Colt! God, Colt! Colt ("I'm a model, not a wrestler!") plays no small part in putting Dash over in this bout. In his first RHW match, already this kid has the best "bully face" of anyone on the roster--that includes both the look of slack-jawed sadism that contorts his cherubic face when he's delivering a beating and the satisfyingly abashed look he displays when the beating is being delivered to him. He has a distinctly different expression to sell every permutation of suffering and triumph he experiences in this battle--and with shaggy blond curls that beg for pulling and full wet lips stretching wide to reveal viciously bared teeth, the punk is destined to have plenty more experiences like these.
The phrase "instant classic" is way overused, but this match is all over it! The violence escalates bump by bump to a sweat-soaked finisher that's burned into my retina. I'm looking through that image right now as I try to type. At this moment I feel like I wasn't even alive until I saw this fight! Hyperbole? Definitely--in a few hours I'll regret those words, I'm pretty sure, cautious rhetorician that I usually am--but right now the words don't seem half enough to express how jacked-up I am over this match.