Furia 2

It's perhaps too easy to paint Tyson Furia as the heel. He's got big attitude, an even tan, and a smooth, beefy build. Put him in the ring with some slim boy with bee-stung abs and of course the crowd is going to root for the little kid in the Toys'R'Us Superman gear. 

Put him in a gauntlet match against TWO boys and we get lots of high kicks and jumping around, pretty much the totality of what skinny guys have to throw at a full-bodied six-footer like Furia. We also get the strong man picking the slim boys up in the air. (I'm fine with this. No wrestling, though? No long, meditative working over of an opponent on the mat or against the ropes? Unacceptable.)

We're expected to forget that, regardless of the weight and power difference, the winner of the first fall is at a disadvantage against the next opponent, speeding fresh from the dressing room. Because Tyson is big and handsome, we're supposed to cheer for the ectomorphic brats attacking him one right after the other. 

I'm not buying it. Sorry. Maybe there is no way this match from 2013 (on YouTube here) can end to my satisfaction unless Furia cracks the skulls of Spike and Dick Riviere together, just once. But my needs will not be satisfied.

Yet despite the crummy angle, I love watching Furia in motion. So here's stuff I kinda liked anyway: 

• Tyson's chin flick, dismissing his opponent and telling the upset fans at ringside to get lost;
• His facial expressions, from glowering to jaded to cruelly amused;
• His trying on Spike's tee-tiny Superman vest, nearly ripping it in two in the process; and
• His sexy hip rotations, suggestive of sexual domination over his string-bean opponents.