Sunday, December 21, 2014

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This, Who Am I to Disagree?


Dash and Alex could just stand in their respective corners and glower at each other, their skintight trunks bristling with anticipation, and Rock Hard's long-awaited King of the Ring showdown would be an Event with a capital E. These two wrestlers are the best the company has, and the mere mention of their names gets my salivary glands to working. Not only would these guys be the perfect bartenders for the gay dance club of my dreams, they are in fact damn good performers in the wrestling ring, instinctively channeling the mix of arrogance and aggression that excites a lot of us fans.

Well matched in attitude, if not in size, neither is accustomed to defeat, so each brings a certain air of entitlement into the first round. Alex Waters is the vain class-president-slash-star-quarterback who undoubtedly spends a lot of time on his hair and who, in the ring, obsessively sneaks peaks at the video monitor, even while having his ass pounded. He's the guy we would all like to be (or have) and, thus, would all like to get our hands on. Dash Decker, the "Goliath" in this big-vs-little contest, is a fairly easygoing guy under most circumstances, but a snarling beast once he's riled up. He's the linebacker type, strong, disciplined, no-nonsense, with a keen sense of justice (and retribution). A recent addition to RHW, Dash went gangbusters with his first match (against a shit-faced Josh Steel--another unforgettable showdown), becoming an instant superstar.

These two guys were meant for each other, in one way or another. At first RHW teamed them up as tag partners against Ethan Andrews and Gage Cardona for a humiliating (and rather farfetched) defeat, a huge misstep, in my opinion, similar to the stomach-churning Andrews-Cardona 2-on-1 beatdown of Alex Waters previously. I still think there's partner potential between these two--I'd like to see them take on Cooper and Jenkins, for instance, or Steel and the new guy Chad Daniels. But the words "Dash Decker versus Alex Waters" volcanized my jeans the moment I saw them in print.

I'll admit I had some concerns about the match too--anticipatory disappointment over whether a victory of Alex over Dash could be believable or, conversely, whether Alex would know how to sell a defeat at Dash's hands. I worried too much. With five full rounds, I get every variation I could hope for, each better than the last. Though I feel cheated on the buckets of sweat I wanted to see by Round 3, this is a jaw-dropping match by all applicable standards.

The highlights for me occur in the last rounds. Decker repeatedly bashes Waters' chest to the turnbuckles in Round 4, shortly before he seizes him in a full nelson,  flings him around like a rag doll, and ultimately dangles him in a "tree of woe." Then there's the Round 5 opener, when Dash grabs Alex by the hair ("Not the hair!") and grinds his pretty face into the canvas. The climax (I'll spare you the spoiling details) could not have been better as far as I'm concerned. It's beautiful, hot, justified, and entirely believable.

Rock Hard ends the year in a big, big way with this contest. For five years now, the company has been a successful dream factory of homoerotic pro-wrestling fantasies, never pandering to brutality or raunch or the dry rules of sport. It stages its erotic reveries in a clean, well lit, and colorful setting with the best-looking fighters available. In half a decade, Rock Hard has supercharged the online wrestling industry, introducing some of the brightest new talents, raising the technical standards of production, and consistently giving fans exactly what they want. And Waters-versus-Decker is precisely the stick candy I wanted in my stocking this year!

1 comment:

  1. What a great review and commentary! As you are aware, I'm nearly obsessed with these guys. While I was concerned that RHW might blow this like they did the tag match, I'd already intended to buy this on DVD just for the sugar coma inducing eye candy. It seems I needn't have worried.

    In my hopes, this was the match I'd envisioned after they'd had a successful run of matches as a team, but because of their egos they ended up feuding and then this match with maybe a grudge match to follow-up.

    I certainly wish that RHW would find a way to put them back together as a tag duo. In the world of wrestling, it does sometimes happen that guys who bash each other, even after an ongoing series of back-and-forthing, end up together, on occasion as a bromance.

    And what a great selection of images. It's not unusual to Save some to my Photos roll, but in this case I Saved 9/12.

    One of your best posts ever, of the non-philosophical musings variety.



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