Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The 14 Best Moves of UCW's Marcus Ares



I hope UCW offers Michael Hannigan medical leave and accident coverage. The ex-champ has been taking beatings since his debut against Twisted Torment two years ago, when he found out a walk in the park is no walk in the park. But Hannigan has proved more resilient than any of his attackers could ever imagine. As champ (a title he means to regain soon), he took on all comers, and gave the UCW belt it's longest and most rigorous defense.

Marcus Ares is the new guy and quite a sensation. He looks like a front runner for the belt, currently held by UCW founder BodySlam (see photo, above). Now adopting the garb of Bronze Age warriors, in Spartan kilt, cape, and cuffs or their Walmart equivalents, Ares also models the latest in heroic combat maneuvers, including ... 


 ... knee jabs, ...


 ... clutches, ...


 ... backbreakers, ...


 ... crabs, ...


 ... flying body slams, ...


 ... armbars (my personal favorite), ...


 ... scissors, ...


... gut punches (hand over the face, a nice refinement on the classic), ...


 ... firemen's carries (and drops), ...


 ... leglocks (perhaps second only to armbars, for me), ...


 ... hair pulling (another favorite), ...


 ... stretches, ...


... Antaeus-style crushings (read some mythology), and, naturally, ...


... Greek-style XXX bear hugs.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

The 24-Minute Dash














Oh shit this is delicious! Rock Hard Wrestling's latest release opens with a trio of fleeting but indelible moments that start my ticker racing before the match even goes into full swing. First, it's Dash Decker's boot obliterating new wrestler Colt Stevens' pricey shades. Next, Dash slips his T-shirt free of his torso just seconds after flattening Colt and denuding him of his baggy shorts and T. But the boner moment for me is Decker circling the fallen rookie like a predatory cat ready to pounce (first photo, above).

Decker is edging past the competition as my favorite Rock Hard wrestler of all time. I mean, this is a body that kills! He entered my radar immediately with his debut, the fun and sexy beatdown of a shitfaced Josh Steel last spring. But with this match he enters the deepest, darkest recesses of my fantasy life. I used to be impressed. After this match, I am enamored. His rugged good looks, combined with his insatiable hunger for causing the new kid as much suffering and humiliation as he can squeeze into 24 minutes, is now permanently etched upon my wrestling kink.

And Colt! God, Colt! Colt ("I'm a model, not a wrestler!") plays no small part in putting Dash over in this bout. In his first RHW match, already this kid has the best "bully face" of anyone on the roster--that includes both the look of slack-jawed sadism that contorts his cherubic face when he's delivering a beating and the satisfyingly abashed look he displays when the beating is being delivered to him. He has a distinctly different expression to sell every permutation of suffering and triumph he experiences in this battle--and with shaggy blond curls that beg for pulling and full wet lips stretching wide to reveal viciously bared teeth, the punk is destined to have plenty more experiences like these.

The phrase "instant classic" is way overused, but this match is all over it! The violence escalates bump by bump to a sweat-soaked finisher that's burned into my retina. I'm looking through that image right now as I try to type. At this moment I feel like I wasn't even alive until I saw this fight! Hyperbole? Definitely--in a few hours I'll regret those words, I'm pretty sure, cautious rhetorician that I usually am--but right now the words don't seem half enough to express how jacked-up I am over this match.


Friday, September 26, 2014

Choke the Rookie







Wrestling Krush must be a master class in submission wrestling. Watching him wrestle might almost be as good, if only I could keep focussed on the strategy and not get caught up in the drama of heated competition. His latest match, out this weekend, finds Krush taking on Zack*, and like his rematch with Johnny O earlier this month, it benefits from Krushco's new video equipment, which provides a view of the action like we've never had before, up-close, unobstructed, and active. This time natural lighting warms up the colors and creates a more sensuous and cinematic tone, too.

But in addition to upgrading its technology, Krushco has obviously been on the lookout for tougher competition for its main man. The 27-year-old Brooklynite fits the bill. Zack seems a likable-enough guy, curly-haired, full-lipped, with dark intelligent eyes. In a brief prologue, he presents himself as a serious wrestler, reluctant to waste time with a lot of talk and ready to rumble. 

The first half of this 29-minute video looks familiar--Krush living up to his name and pretty much having his unencumbered way with his unsuspecting adversary--but halfway through this six-rounder Zack finds his groove, and for the last 15 minutes it's all furious give-and-take between the two fighters, veering into prostyle hijinks like hair-tugging, punching, and choking (with a white belt). We've seen these theatrical touches before at Krushco, and Zack warms us quickly to the company's house style and throws himself into it with a vengeance.


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Red Meat








It takes Pascal, in the dark trunks, ten minutes to submit Ronald, the smooth guy in red, three times. This is the second of the six W-and-L battles that our friend Mikey recommended to me last month. It's heavier, more ferocious action than the first, which I reviewed at the beginning of the month.

Pascal is the hairier and darker of the two, with brooding eyes and a long Gallic nose, straight enough to use as a bevel. Ronald, his challenger, would have looked right at home as one of the crew of the Argos in Jason and the Argonauts--smooth, well-defined muscle, with the confident, self-satisfied face of a charming rogue.

Both wrestlers embody that iron-muscled masculinity that inspires the same awe in me as a skyscraper  or a suspension bridge ... or Devils Tower in Wyoming. To watch the two of them collide and twist around each other is enticing and intimidating at the same time.

Just as I was thinking the match was a done deal after the first ten minutes, Ronald returns the favor, three howling submissions ... in FIVE minutes. It's a tough and volatile fight, the wrestlers stopping just short of gouging each other's eyes out, yet maintaining the spirit of sportsmanlike competition.

The next seven minutes are the most savage. After the seventh fall, both iron men are teetering like colossal statues in an earthquake. Quite impressive athletic drama, which Mikey characterized as "a brutal, frustrating, and sweaty time of it," which is all I needed to hear.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Bite Club








Ethan Axel Andrews as a vampire? I don't know about that. I like Ethan. I like vampire stories. I like wrestling. But the three together? Well, I have to say the kid pulls it off*, pretty convincing as an epicene bloodsucker with Flash LaCash, all muscle and military-style flattop, in his thrall in this 30-minute video from CameronWrestler.com. (Buy it for download today at US$14.95. The price goes up tomorrow, September 25th.)

Here's the setup. In a sporting mood, the melancholy fanger pulls Flash ("one of the better-looking ones,"** Ethan murmurs with breathy appreciation) away from his shadowy shackles to a mist-shrouded, ghostly lit wrestling ring. The stakes are that a victory for Flash means he can take Ethan's place among the Vampire Overlords (and Ethan presumably explodes into a bushel basket of rapidly evaporating blood and guts--there are literally stakes on the four ring posts in case Flash gets lucky). If Ethan wins, Flash is Ethan's for eternity, but, first, Ethan gets some quality time to play with his dinner.

I like it. It's like my darkest fantasies of a fight-to-the-death scenario, with touches of The Hunger, Plan 9 from Outer Space, and Fight Club thrown in for added fun. But if the better part of this video weren't solid grunt-and-grimace wrestling, I wouldn't be writing about it. Supernatural forces make it easier to swallow the premise that the iron-shouldered victim here is ever in any real danger of losing the battle. But the wrestling, I think, holds up on its own.

With autumn in the air and only 37 more days till Halloween, Andrews-vs-LaCash is what I was craving for without even realizing it, a sexy-spooky treat, directed by King Cameron himself. Flash is convincingly vengeful, since his friend ("a young religious man") is at ringside the whole time, unlikely to go anywhere since he's flat on his shirtless back in a coffin. I have to hand it to Ethan, though. He sells the whole "creatures of the night" gimmick 100 percent, exuding enough sexy menace to both tent my trousers and goose my flesh.

* He's no Gangrel. But I see that as a good thing.
** "Hot as a tiger's dick" is more like it, in my critical opinion.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Fun and Games Till Somebody Gets Hurt







In BG East's upcoming Wrestleshack 19, Cameron Matthews thinks he's just going to have a "fun" match with Christian Taylor. Christian has other plans, again and again crossing the line into naked aggression and reckless provocation. 

I love this angle! The good-natured big-brother figure tussling with a feisty amateur, who mistakes patience for lack of gumption and starts pushing his adversary too hard. Of course, Christian is going to step over the line one too many times and eventually awaken the sleeping tiger in Cameron, only to feel his sudden and irrevocable wrath. 

Then, you can bet your last penny that retribution will be swift, painful, even a bit nasty, and at last Cam's going to wipe Christian's leering smile right off of his face.

Ingenious in its concept and flawless in its execution, the storyline is also realistic. It's the coming-of-age story most of us have seen or experienced firsthand: the ambitious youngster who likes to flirt with danger, thinking a hard fight will be a hoot as long as he's the one delivering up all the hurt. But wait until the more experienced opponent has had enough and decides to give the punk a taste of what pain really is! Sweeet!

Add loose, scuffed-up blue jeans and the hothouse atmosphere of the Wrestleshack, and I am in heaven!

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