Armstrong vs Veasey

Brad Armstrong versus Dale Veasey, Georgia Championship Wrestling (1984)

(view the rest of the match here)

Brad and Dale show us how pro wrestling is done. You begin by being total stud muffins with thighs as big as Harleys and backs like bumper cars. Then you invest in hair product and a pair of sleek nylon trunks (Brad's are oxblood, Dale's, baby blue). Boots and kneepads, too.

You start a match by feeling each other out. This requires body contact, which lets you gauge the other wrestler's strength vis–à–vis your own and set up the rhythm of the ensuing struggle. A collar and elbow and an exchange of body slams and armlocks are usually enough to test the waters. Jesse Ventura said, "Wrestling is ballet with violence." Swapping a little hurt initiates the dance.

Then you tear into each other. Having discovered your opponent has no weak spots coming into battle, you proceed to create some, like the way Veasey attacks Armstrong's knee, or the way Armstrong works Veasey's elbow, tenaciously like a dog on a bone. Afterwards, Dale gives that arm an occasional flick just to kill the tingles. Three minutes into the action and both our boys are covered in sweat.

A match that begins with a gentlemanly handshake can escalate (or devolve, if you please) into dirty fighting. Good thing there's a ref on board. Otherwise, who knows the damage Dale could have done Brad's hair! All traces of sportsmanship fade as the fight reaches a bestial level, lion versus bear, running on raw instincts. Veasey's bearhug illustrates the fighters' exhaustion and rage. It comes less than a minute before the fleet and masterful pinfall--always an orgasmic moment at my house.