Monday, January 18, 2016
Wrestling Videos I Watch Over and Over and Over (Part 8)
Jimmy Dean vs Rocky James, Canadian Musclehunk Wrestling 5 (Can-Am)
Totally mismatched against the aggressive Jimmy Dean, longhair Rocky James does little to defend himself or dominate Dean, though he outweighs Jimmy by almost 20 pounds. In 1993, each viewing of the VHS tape (only recently replaced by a DVD) confirmed my opinion that this is not "good wrestling." But who knows how many times I watched it before realizing how many times I was watching it. Why did I keep coming back? James's tan, bulgy body could be a reason, especially as it appears to flow out of the soft "purple panties" that Dean repeatedly ridicules. Another reason might be Dean, cocky and tireless as he beats down an opponent who just rolls over and takes it, perhaps even enjoying the pain and humiliation. Ultimately, I think it's this, though: the languorous voluptuousness of Rocky's body looks best as it flags under Jimmy's persistent abuses. Rocky has muscle and doesn't know what to do with it. But Jimmy sure as hell knows what to do to it. (Note: One standout moment for me is Jimmy choking Rocky on a ring rope. Totally uncalled for, yet totally right. Those few seconds have, over time, imprinted in my memory.)
Vince Rockland vs Chris Rock, Fantasy Fight 16 (BG Enterprise)
Rockland vs Rock is, like other matches in the Fantasy Fight series, porn with a wrestling makeover. BG advertises that the two stars "know holds," which arguably they do--and not shabbily--I have seen much much worse from wrestlers with no porn credentials to fall back on. The company further dubs FF16 a "no 'holes' barred" contest: loser gets fucked. Whether you will like all this depends on what you think of Rockland, Rock, or both together. Both ring my chimes, frankly, in no small part because they not only "know holds" and look amazing when naked, but also seem to enjoy a rough tussle. At first Chris is the aggressor. He talks smack to rile Vince up, which works, perhaps unfortunately for Chris because Vince likes his fights dirty, throwing down some heel moves: spinning Chris off his feet, then flinging him down hard, and stuffing Chris's mouth with his tighty-whiteys. Later, when they're both naked, Vince goes one further, farting directly into his opponent's mouth, a Chaucerian (or John Waters) touch that stokes Rock's desire for vengeance. What he gets, though, is cock, which looks a whole lot better than even vengeance.
Kevin Von Erich vs Jimmy Garvin (World Class Championship Wrestling)
In 1983 Garvin was feuding with Kevin's brother David, which pretty much meant he was feuding with the whole Von Erich family. In this television main event Jimmy and Kevin square off in a crowd-pleaser I enjoy rewatching because both men are in prime form as adversaries. It's a textbook KVE confrontation: an unmanly attack by Garvin (to Kevin's face), a measured escalation of tension as Garvin nervously stalls for time, Kevin's orgasmic minute-long headscissors no sooner escaped than followed by another one even more excruciating, the tempers flaring as legal wrestling holds devolve to Pier-6 brawl, and ultimately Kevin subduing his out-of-control opponent with an honest (and spectacularly gymnastic) 3-count pin. The commentary keeps the eroticism right below the surface, as we are told that Kevin's "strength is in his touch": a line that would be right at home in a Barbara Cartland romance. Garvin's valet Sunshine weeps at ringside as Kevin's sinewy thighs grind down on Jimmy's 70s muff hairdo. And in my imagined re-edit, sick bastard that I am, that magnificent pinfall would jumpcut to a slow-motion cumshot.