Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Dolph Danner

 Guido Genatto vs Dolph Danner, Last Man Standing 2 (BG East)

In thirteen new matches just released, BG East introduces five new players on the roster, joining a host of familiar, even revered veterans. Most of the matches have outcomes that are easy enough to predict--the pairings themselves all but advertise the victors and losers, precisely what most fans want, at least those who relish a tasty squash job.

The hardest contest to forecast involves, surprisingly, the seemingly least beatable man on the roster: the cruel and magnificent Guido Genatto (5'10", 235#) in Last Man Standing 2. Glamour-blond newcomer Dolph Danner (6', 180#) is the wild card, a man similar enough to Genatto in gumption but dissimilar enough in style to unleash a perfect storm in the BGE ring.

As Dolph matches Guido snarl for snarl, cheap shot for cheap shot, alliterative name for alliterative name, it's hard to speak with any confidence of where this 40-minute zipper-quivering collision is going to wind up.

"'Dirty Daddy'?" In disbelief Dolph spits the moniker out, his nose practically pressed up to Guido's. "I just see a ... Big ... Bitch!" This opening volley of smack-inflected words sets my heart to thumping. Even Genatto looks impressed with the new guy's audacity, but he tells the kid to back off in no uncertain terms. Dolph gets behind him and latches his tattooed arms to the hairy heel's waist and won't let go till Guido almost snaps his forearm like a breadstick.

Among his many charms, Dolph suffers noisily. He also inflicts pain with the deadest eyes in the morgue. His reversal of a steel-belted armbar catches the Daddy by surprise, bringing the ever-arrogant Genatto to his knees. From there, Danner buries the big brute's face in his (Danner's) crotch. This is humiliation that Guido has rarely if ever experienced. And you can bet your bottom dollar Guido is going to make the upstart pay, and pay dearly, for the insult.

The give and take continues till the last second of the match, with an invigorating brutality you only get when you set a well-established mega-heel up against a hot and ruthless heel on the make. Bear hugs, nose wringing, figure-fours, chops to the face, and ball-sniffing headscissors follow at a staggering pace--and none of it is quiet and understated. Guido and Dolph know how to sell the hell out of crippling holds!

Could I possibly overstate how hot I find the divine Dolph Danner in his offbeat pulchritude and lascivious curves? Or my joy in watching his and Guido's savage pas de deux? Or how many dicks I would suck to see Danner in the ring against Joe Robbins or Exavier or Lane Hartley, which cannot happen soon enough? Or how lavish a shrine I would build for the guy's aqua-metallic trunks were they ever to fall into my possession? (Kids, it takes a trained dweeb and blogger to mark out this hard, this school-girlishly, and lay it on this thick. Do not ... do NOT ... attempt this at home!)

The match suits my peculiar tastes in wrestling perfectly. I like surprises. Twists and pivots. I find myself cheering for both Guido and Dolph at the same time, even hoping the heated battle will resolve itself in the formation of a new heel tag team.  Occasionally for three months now I have composed shortlists of the wrestling videos I watch over and over and over. I am confident this fight soon will belong to that number.


  1. You probably already know this but the website Vocativ wrote a very interesting article on BG East, featuring Dolph Danner and a quote from this post :D (probably why it's popping back up in popular posts) you can find it by googling Gay For Pay: Inside Pro Wrestling's Big Secret

    1. I did already know, Chris, but thanks for the heads-up in case I didn't.



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