Dick Rick vs Lucky Loko, Ringwars 25 (BG East)
Lucky Loko's long hair makes the case for long hair in pro wrestling. Not only can you grab on to it and fling him around by it, but it also catches the breeze in the high-impact moments, trailing behind or shooting upwards emphatically, like an ideogram signifying "Oh shit!" or "Fuck me!" or "Pow!"
Dick Rick climbs into the ring, telling Lucky, "You're gonna have to pin me, you're gonna have to make me submit, and you're gonna have to knock me out." Of course, Rick has every reason to believe his opponent cannot do one of these things, much less all three. Lucky thinks he can, though, even though his belt size is slightly smaller than the circumference of just one of Dick's thighs.
Rick gets the initial takedown, but minutes later, plucky Loko gets a grip on the big man's wrist and winds it up to his shoulder blades. A remarkable reversal, considering Rick outweighs him by a hundred pounds. But then Rick clamps his massive thighs to the sides of Loko's head, and it looks like the show is over. Still, again and again, Lucky rises to the top, against the odds, by luck or gumption. For 30 minutes he makes this an even give-and-take contest, and for 30 minutes Loko is, more often than not, the man in control, working up a hard-to-miss bulge in those metallic-gold trunks of his.
However, the last ten minutes are not so kind to our longhair friend. Rick comes after him with every ounce of muscle and rage in him. The results are devastating. But the thing is ... Lucky won't stay down. Dick practically pleads with him to stay flat on his back for the full count of ten, but Lucky fights through the pain and double vision and rises. The final minutes of the match are agony to behold. In the end, we have a winner and an unconscious loser. We've seen a pinfall and multiple submissions, but it takes two consecutive piledrivers for the knockout that ends this testosteronic battle.