Saturday, April 2, 2016

Kenny Gets His Ass Pounded Hard

Tyson the Hammer vs Kenny Star, #460 (UCW)

A rugged five o'clock shadow and icepick abs alone cannot make you a heel. Rookie Kenny Star's rumored journey to reinvent himself as a top-tier UCW villain hits a rough patch in the company's latest release, which sees him rematched against "The Hammer," who gave him a good run for his money in January. Kenny is clearly itching to beat up on somebody, and he wastes no time backing his usually good-natured opponent to the wall for a serious gut-bash session, nineteen rapid-fire blows and not a one of them pulled or faked. And he's just starting ... or so he thinks ... because nobody paid Hammer to roll over and play dead.

Besides being beautiful, Tyson the Hammer is a powerful and spirited fighter, and it takes only a minute or two before handsome Kenny looks like he's just fallen into an adder's nest or some razor-wire. Who knew being a bad guy could hurt like this? Maybe it's a new rule that even budding heels have to pay their dues at UCW. Tyson plays whack-a-mole on Star's lithe body every time the hairy-chested stud pops up with a new assault. By the end of this 30-minute blitzkrieg, Kenny has hurts in places he didn't even know had feelings.

If I take some minor liberties with the narrative, I do so because I'm pulled into it. I feel entitled as a participant, though a virtual one. More than anything else, this sense of connection is what distinguishes a respectably good contest from one that leaves a mark. The sweat and muscle on constant display are no small part of my attraction to #460, especially the latter half. I'm a fan of both these guys, but watching Kenny squirm as it slowly dawns on him what an ass-kicking he's in for is the main reason I will be rewatching this fight, and sooner rather than later.

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