The Seven Minutes (and 49 Seconds)

Vinny vs Scrappy, Mat Rats 72 (Thunders Arena)

This post's title alludes to an Irving Wallace novel I never read and you probably never heard of, but it nevertheless left an imprint on my erotic imagination. At age 16 I saw Wallace interviewed by Merv Griffin or Mike Douglas, one of those afternoon TV guys, and he talked about a fictitious pornographic novel which purports to detail with explicit exactness what goes through a woman's head in the seven minutes it takes her to achieve orgasm. That novel is at the center of an obscenity trial, which is the subject of Wallace's novel. However, it's the unreal novel in the actual novel that sticks with me.

So goes my erotic imagination. A fantasy version of a fictitious event in a work I never read. It's no wonder I'm drawn to pro wrestling, and it's no wonder that my mind so often strays from the actual action in the ring that, unlike other wrestling fans, I'm usually foggy about what transpired in any given match. It's not just that I add homoerotic scenes absent from the televised match. I don't even do that most of the time. What I do is revise the wrestling action itself, replacing individual wrestlers, changing the outcome, entering the scenario as some fantasy version of myself, exchanging closeup shots for long shots, adding sensations of touch-taste-smell to the visuals and sound, and so on.

Seven minutes and 49 seconds is the running time of Scrappy's second video for Thunders Arena. I salivated over his debut on Sunday. If you're struggling over which of Scrappy's matches to download, my recommendation is Mat Rats 71, the first one. It's longer, it has Frey in it, and it has the cachet of being first. But I no sooner say that and my mind is changed, because the shorter video has two segments that are now tattooed in memory (albeit with my usual idiosyncratic alterations): Scrappy squirming to escape Vinny's bearhug, and Scrappy squirming to escape Vinny's rear naked choke.

The debut match has far too little of Scrappy squirming. Consider Mat Rats 72 as a savory side dish that enhances the flavor of Mat Rats 71. It takes the recruit about 30 seconds to writhe and muscle his way out of Vinny's bear hug (the second bear hug, not the first, which lasts only about 5 seconds). It takes him another 30 seconds to break free of the choke hold. These two struggles are enough to explain how Scrappy got his name. He refuses to kowtow to Vinny's clear superiority in force. These holds would finish most guys. Scrappy sells the hell out of them, but he balks at the idea of letting them be the end of him.

No more than a minute of mat action stretches to ten or so minutes in my imagination. They play in slow motion in my mind, even as I type these words. Scrappy's agony is exquisite. So are the veins popping all over Vinny as he exerts every bit of power he's capable of, to no avail. Scrappy's body gyrates, his teeth bared, his eyes clenched, as if he were attempting to run a footrace with cinder blocks chained to his wrist and ankles. The frenzied press of flesh to flesh raises welts visible only in my mental reboot of the event. But it's not just my imagination that makes this video so strong. It's Scrappy and Vinny. It's all there. I'm just making slight embellishments. Fine wine requires fine grapes first of all. And there's not a thing wrong with the grapes in Mat Rats 72.


  1. Every time I see someone uses rear naked choke, I always imagine he has a raging hard-on, rubbing against his opponent's firm butt. And he'll shoot voluminous amount of semen when the opponent taps out or simply loses consciousness.


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