Tyrell Tomsen vs Gil Barrios, Gazebo Grapplers 10 (BG East)
This match is (for me) one of the defining examples of homoerotic wrestling as a genre. It starts in the gazebo and ends in the mat room with both wrestlers buck naked and entangled like moray eels at war. The competitors are in peak condition, and there's nothing stand-offish or self-conscious about the contest. Each man is focused 100% on his opponent. Tyrell clings to Gil as if the Brazilian's body were superglued to his own and subjects Gil to one physical trauma after another. He half intends to destroy Barrios and half, to possess him. I have watched this match a dozen times, and each viewing sends an ice-cold tickler from the base of my skull to my prostate. Credit goes to both wrestlers, whose other matches confirm that this match was no fluke. The same mojo is on display in Wrestle Revenge, where Tyrell attacks Z-Man and gets attacked by Dev Michaels, and in Ring Revenge 1, against Jonny Firestorm; and in Wrestleshack 12 and 15, where Barrios squeezes Skip Vance and Christian Taylor like a love-hungry anaconda. But when I need something to make up for a day when nothing especially interesting has happened to my dick, my hand goes directly to Tomsen vs Barrios.
Brandon gave a lot of guys the best fight of their lives. Perris is one of them, here in another genre-defining example of what homoerotic wrestling means to me. Hint: For better or worse, it has nothing to do with building a long term relationship. But speaking of LTRs, from 1993 to 1999 Brandon gave Perris a total of five great matches, each one worth watching at least once: Canadian Musclehunk Wrestling 6, Paul Perris' Prolonged Punishment, SuperMatch 12, SuperMatch 16, and Paul Perris Exposed. Doug Brandon is bad news served up hot and steaming, and Paul Perris is the prince of studly babyfaces. Neither one of them backs down--in the ring, in the oil pit--what makes the match sizzle is it provides all the pleasures of strong give and take, along with the pleasures of an eek-inducing beatdown. At the time of this bout, both had their oil-worthiest bodies (I always liked them both best in the pit anyway), and their animosity towards each other had reached high-fever levels of mean. They are positively out to maim one another, and man to man what is sexier than that?
Eli Black vs Quinn Harper, #300 (UCW)
Here's the match I watch when I want my fighters lean and cocky. I love both these guys, and both of them hate my guts, but, you know, for me that is part of the attraction. This one would be a top pick even with none of my sentimental attachment to it. The wrestling speaks for itself. At the time (three years, one week, and a day or two ago), Quinn and Eli were vying for the top heel position at the company. They and every UCW fan were chomping at the bit for this fight to happen. It was a hungrily awaited faceoff, and it did not disappoint.* Quinn bites, and Eli chokes, they each stick an uninvited finger up the other's butt; what could be more entertaining? When I first reviewed this match, I said, "To date, neither Quinn nor Eli has failed to make even his least promising contest into an electrifying event. And this match is beyond electric. It's seismic." It seems only to get better each time I re-watch it. And the moment captured in that final screen grab above, which transpires about three minutes from the video's end, makes me hard as a hammer every time I watch it. With sound and motion (and, of course, context) it's aphrodisiac.
* Well, there is one disappointment. I could have watched this battle live in the UCW fight space, but didn't realize it was happening. At the time, I was too busy doing blog stuff. (There's a life lesson in this story that could benefit just about anybody.)