Monday, August 22, 2016

Mullet Monday

Thanks to Rassle Reel, I watched this 1992 GWF event featuring not one, not two, but four events that celebrate the beauty and utility of the mullet. We get not only long-in-back-short-on-sides hair on men who were not at that time lesbians but also soft mounds of tummy, luggage-size butts, and a title-vs-hair main event, which, taken together, are my pornography of choice.

Bill Irwin vs Brian Henning, GWF TV Block for April, 20 March 1992, Dallas (Global Wrestling Federation)

Irwin tears at Henning's mullet just because the guy thinks for a split second about pulling his rockstar shag. It's an absolute beating: Shag 1, Mullet 0. Two matches later, Team Mullet strikes again.



Todd Overbow vs Barry Horowitz, GWF TV Block for April, 20 March 1992, Dallas (Global Wrestling Federation)

Rookie jobber Overbow makes the mullet work, no doubt about it, but internet evidence suggests that his wrestling career can be measured in weeks. Horowitz literally walks all over the guy, but when Overbow pays him back, the light heavyweight champ flees the ring. Barry resorts to trunks- and mullet-pulling to escape Todd's welcome-back-to-the-match headlock. Every time Barry pulls free, Todd locks him up again--this string of standing but transfixed struggles is the high point of the match for me. When Horowitz does break free, he is merciless to Overbow's haircut and spine. The new kid isn't finished yet, but he's about to be.




Billy Joe Travis vs Chaz, GWF TV Block for April, 20 March 1992, Dallas (Global Wrestling Federation)

When Chaz Taylor was 21, his mullet was legendary. The way he removes his jacket one shoulder at a time proves his time as a Chippendale was not wasted. In this match, actually shot a couple of months before the other four matches. he takes on peroxide blond bad-boy Travis. Long before the present days of plenty, pretty boy versus pretty boy was like a lotto win for my dick. And this one is an all-out catfight. The crowd pisses itself as the fan favorite takes chunks out of the heel right off the bat, but Travis can't wait to sink his fingers into that do. (He scratches too!) It doesn't work out the way Billy Joe planned because, a minute or two later, Team Mullet takes its first win of the night.




Terry Simms and Scott Putski vs John Tatum and Rod Price, GWF TV Block for April, 20 March 1992, Dallas (Global Wrestling Federation)

Tatum and Price, flaunting sporty mullets, put their belts up against the hair of challengers (and spur-of-the-moment teammates) Simms and Putski. Price attacks Simms before the bell sounds. On top of no previous experience as teammates, bad reffing may be the babyfaces' biggest obstacle tonight. Simms and Putski appear to have free rein to do whatever they please. Anticipating shaving off Simms' locks, Tatum and Price take every opportunity to grab fistfuls as they relentlessly attack him from both sides. Adding insult to injury, the ref is gabbing with Price when Simms executes a clean pin on Tatum. Talk about heartache! Putski is left to watch helplessly from the ring apron ... for eight minutes! When at last he tags in, he cleans house ... I mean, totally vacuums the scum off the mat ...






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