Saturday, September 10, 2016

Death Match in the Afternoon

Kid Karisma vs Carter Alexander, The Great Outdoors 2 (BG East)

Nothing new from BGE is unappreciated at my house ... except the CockWars series, which sadly I haven't warmed up to as a spectator sport (doing it is entirely another story). But the latest fractional catalog release had a number of draws for me, none greater than the opening match of The Great Outdoors 2.

Karisma has been an A-lister since his masked debut against Cage Thunder and Red Baron thirty-seven catalogs ago. Mostly lauded and awarded for his butt and physique, Kid K won my undying devotion with his fight and loquacity (the latter a trait I appreciate in very few wrestlers). He tears into an opponent like a shark. And Carter returns in his first match since his debut, in which the 6'1" rookie kicked Jake Jenkins' butt, unexpected and damn near unthinkable.

The two meet up in the gazebo, where Carter made his spectacular debut over two years ago. "Cute" is Karisma's off-the-cuff judgment, singling out the rookie's face and scruff for admiration, but Carter is quick to spotlight his abs, which he deems equal to or better than Kid K's. BGE wouldn't be doing its job if a posing contest didn't immediately follow.

In typical fashion Karisma brings the posing to an abrupt end with a sneak attack. In seconds he has Carter on his back and painfully stretched out wide, and seconds later he has the tall drink of water trapped in a bodyscissor-headlock combination that has broken the will of other opponents, but Carter refuses to give.

Carter reverses and brings the butt-meister almost to tears in a back-arching stretch that raises Karisma's abs to optimal height for punching. He pops his biceps in short breakaways from the vicious gut punishment. But Karisma rebounds with lightning-fast vengeance, driving his fists to Alexander's chest, then driving knee and forearm to the man's unprotected midsection.

After his beatdown of Jake, it should surprise no one that Carter holds his own against Kid K better than most of the Teutonic cyclone's previous adversaries. I have been aching to see Kid Karisma in a give and take match, which this is (though barely). But once Kid K traps Carter in a full nelson-bodyscissors stretch, with a dollop of hair-pulling on top, he has the big guy pleading, "Can't we just go for a walk or something?" But even then, amazingly, Alexander declines to formally tap out, even with Karisma latched onto his body like a tick and pounding it like a jackhammer.

With two never-say-die opponents like these, this match could have lasted for hours (and I would not have complained). Karisma uses the gazebo space inventively and seems near inexhaustible as he dominates the rookie for about two-thirds of the match. Alexander turns the tables right when I'm ready to leave him for dead. A convincing rear naked choke, followed by a sexy schoolboy pin and three count, decides who's the victor and who's just a mess somebody else is going to have to clean up later.

Terrific wrestlers, mean competition, bulging trunks, rippling muscle--this is just what I needed to give the summer a proper kick-in-the-pants sendoff.

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