"I hate warriors, too narrow-minded. I'll tell you what I do like though: a killer, a dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough."

Sebastian Keys vs Mike Maverick, Lean Studs Rumble for Sexual Glory (Naked Kombat)

It used to be that Naked Kombat moved more slowly. Each match was neatly divided, the first half being wrestling, with trunks gradually shed till both men were nude by midpoint, leaving the second half for the victor to claim the spoils of conquest. Now within three minutes one wrestler has already been stripped bare. Within six minutes, both kombatants are naked as jaybirds. Within nine minutes, they're boned up. At the nineteen minute mark, the contest is over, with the winner enjoying a full 30-minute "sex round" to blow, fuck, humiliate, and then make nice with his newly claimed beta-boy. I think I prefer the old slow scenario, but Mike and Sebastian make such good use of their time together that I don't mind the rush to finish. The match, shot in July but released last month, is a one-sided affair, but each man puts up his best fight and ecstatically claims his just desert in the  final "round," when holes gets plugged, rods gets shined, and flesh gets sticky. Keys drew me to this match. He's a good fighter and looks good, and he relishes both the roughhouse and the porn sides of the contest. I'm a fan, so I even tolerate the Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg haircut (admittedly, he makes it work). But Maverick was front and center after a hey-that-dude's-gorgeous gestalt that happened when my eyes wandered away from Keys long enough to appreciate his strapping opponent.