Doug Acre vs Landon Conrad, Summer Smackdown Tournament First Semi-Final Match (Naked Kombat)
Is the penetration step a thing? It is. Look it up on YouTube, kids. One trainer even says it should end in an explosion. Even with terms like "penetration step," most people fail to see the eroticism of wrestling. So I'm the weirdo for thinking it's about sex, but, dudes, I'm not making up these names.
Responding to a post at the beginning of April, Eli Jav asked whether I knew this Naked Kombat match from the fall of 2013. I thought for sure I had seen it, and maybe I had but forgot about it. My memory recently refreshed, I think I would have remembered.
I believed I had seen it because I like Doug Acre and couldn't think of a reason I would have missed a match of his. Doug reminds me of a couple of other wrestlers I like, small but tough, with a rawboned face that always looks on guard. I'm somewhat less familiar with Landon Conrad, whose name, I take it, is a mashup of the surnames of two popular TV studs from the 1960s.
In the prologue Doug boasts, "When I win, this muscle-head is going to worship my cock, and I'm gonna fuck him all night long." Behind him, Landon smiles (blissfully, I thought), and when it's his turn to speak, he counters, "When I win, I'm gonna bend this little bitch over, fuck him, and eat that ass."
Why have I never met the guy I could write these sentiments to on a Valentine?
They wrestle four "rounds": trunks, jockstraps, nude, and the victor's prize, the sex round. It's good wrestling, too, mostly on Acre's part, but Conrad's too. Each round is a compromise between wrestling and molesting, which is why the Greeks loved it and made it the first non-footrace event of the ancient Olympic Games. Conrad has the body I lust for, but watching Acre wrestle makes me want him too. At the end of the third round, the ref tells the winner, "His ass is all yours"; that's penetration!