Haircut Meets Hammer
Austin Tyler vs Tyson the Hammer, #508 (UCW)
Austin made a damn big impression in his November debut against savage Quinn Harper, so I came to this match with damn big expectations. Tyson's not exactly a heel like Quinn, but he's tough and the nickname "Hammer" is not just for show. Both men are lean mean fighting machines with an eager curiosity about the harm they may do to each other. Austin has pro ring experience on his side, particularly a gift for heart-stopping reversals and dramatic and effective manhandling. Tyson, however, has the home court advantage and the standard-issue dirty tricks UCW is known for--nard grabbing, hair pulling, gut punching, and the like. In other words, Tyler's used to wowing the crowd, but the Hammer knows no boundaries.
Both are relaxed as they square off. Tyson tries his hand at a little smack talk regarding Austin's distinctive hair styling, but he's not particularly gifted at taunting. Rather than pursue the feeble verbal exchange, the two wisely opt for diving right into the physical, what the customers are paying for. They tangle, with the new man taking an early lead, asking Hammer, "Whatcha got?" Though UCW has no formal structure for such things, each seems to know that his performance here may affect his chances of getting a shot at the championship. Austin learns soon enough what Tyson's got.
About a minute into the action, Hammer reverses the momentum with a head butt to the balls. Distracted by the throbbing pangs in his scrotum, Tyler can't stop Tyson from backing him to the wall for a vigorous drubbing. Tyson somewhat wastes his lead, however, by showboating a little, a schoolboy pin, yanking the newcomer's hair and squatting on his chest like a playground bully, legs spread, flaunting the taut crotch of his pink and black trunks. He tweaks the guy's nipples with his fingertips. The move only goads Austin to retaliate, flipping Tyson over on his face and twisting him into an excruciating single-leg crab hold. Tyson grunts but won't submit, gradually muscling loose and reclaiming the upper hand.
Back and forth rules the day. UCW has carved a niche for itself in supplying this kind of rough and tumble, no-rules contest, usually pitting equals against each other. Other promotions specialize in squashes--hairy heels bashing lithesome jobbers and frat-boy types hazing the wide-eyed newbies--and that's terrific too, exactly the sort of thing many fans want. For what it's worth, I like that Tyler and Hammer enter this brawl with roughly equal chances of coming out on top. Each has proved his fight in earlier contests, and it's not until the final stretch of this 29-minute video that we see who ultimately will out-tough the other in a spectacular spine-busting submission. Video 508 is hot, grunting body abuse to the bitter end.