Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Gimme All Your Lovin'

You got to whip it up
And hit me like a ton of lead
If I blow my top
Will you let it go to your head
Gimme all your lovin'
All your hugs and kisses too
Gimme all your lovin'
Don't let up until we're through
ZZ Top (1983)

Justin Powers vs J.J. Allen, Catalog 2 - Muscle Boys Get Rough (MuscleBoy Wrestling)

Born tragically too late, Justin Powers is evidently the dream date I used to pray for. As they say, God answers prayer. Sometimes he says yes, sometimes he says no, sometimes he runs forty years behind on delivery. Currently under exclusive contract to MuscleBoy Wrestling, Justin debuts in Catalog 2 with two matches, both perfect realizations of the kind of romantic/combative encounters I dreamed of through my college years. I gushed over one of these matches on Saturday. Now I turn my attention to the other, equally fine, about which I am also rapturous.

Rather than go on and on about the complex combinations of elements I look for in erotic wrestling, this time let's talk about kissing, which Justin does exactly to my liking. Arguably his match with J.J. Allen is one long extended kiss, interrupted by gut punches, scissor holds, and bear hugs. The cutesy kisses that cinch wedding ties and the archly ironic kisses of less capable erotic wrestlers do not impress me. I prefer stormy sweaty tonguey smothering Twilight-meets-Kickboxer kisses, for which Powers* has particular talent. Whereas most eroto-wrestling kisses evolve out of the match, in this case the match evolves out of Justin's aggressive kiss, first pressing J.J. to the wall, following with a playful but sharp gut punch, then extending through the furious ups and downs of the subsequent fight. The feral gleam in his eyes each time his mouth approaches J.J.'s etches deeper into my imagination.

* Other wrestlers on my personal Top 10 of impressive eroto-aggressive kissers are Logan Cross and Jake Zane, also at MuscleBoy; Ty AlexanderPatrick Donovan, Kayden Keller, Mike Martin, Mickey Rollins, and Kid Vicious at BG East; and Brad Michaels (kind of a god, really) at BG Enterprise.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Pwned by a Porn Star

Josh Steele vs Jayson Dolan (Movimus Wrestling)

Six split-seconds of agony, six split-seconds of triumph, each of these shots records the moment when Jayson Dolan submits to pornboy Josh Steele in this revelatory Movimus match from three years ago (I first blogged about it here and revisited it last year here). I've made no attempt to hide Steele's hold on my imagination for years now. People tell me he's trouble (I've seen the mugshot; I've seen the deleted footage of his and another porn star's on-set fist fight), and I heard unsubstantiated rumors that workers at one company felt uncomfortable when he was around, but, I'm ashamed to say, the bad press only enhances his hotness in my eyes.

I love bad boys. I'll admit it. I prefer them at a safe distance, however, having had enough bad turns with a few of them up close to convince me to steer clear of the real deal--talk about disillusionment. As in wrestling in general, I now prefer the fantasy over the reality. But for me this authentic submission match with Jayson outstretches anything (wrestling or porn) I've seen of Josh's. I'd say I'm overly partial to the guy (it's true), but Sean at Inner Jobber saw the heat in this match just as I did, so I feel my high opinion of this sweaty grunt-n-groaner is vindicated.

Here are the elements that work for me:
  1. Josh (well, let's get that one out there and done with)
  2. The fact that Josh and Jayson are beautifully matched in height and weight
  3. The fact that the weight is unevenly distributed is another factor
  4. It doesn't hurt to know that one of these wrestlers performs in gay porn 
  5. There's an earthiness to this fight that can't be attributed to any single factor. Neither man is the clean, unmarked athlete we see at the Olympics or on Wheaties boxes. There are small nicks and bruises on the wrestlers' skin. They both look like they haven't showered in days and somebody pulled them right out of bed and tossed them on the mat. I can almost smell feet through the TV screen. They either need haircuts or have just had wretched ones.
  6. Six to nothing, so marvelously humiliating

Monday, May 22, 2017


Joker vs Angel Estrada, Match 533 (UCW)

Three times Angel Estrada has kicked Joker's ass, and Joker wants a rematch. These guys do not let their grudges go. Both look like they've lost some weight since their last fight, but they have lost none of their quickness and none of their capacity to astound if not shock. Joker's strategy (if that word can be twisted to apply to the demented shit that Joker does) is to hurt his opponent by any means available, often hurting himself in the process. Joker doesn't care. It's not that he doesn't feel pain. He just doesn't take it very seriously. Angel is not so reckless, but he's just as nasty. When either of these two does something above-board and legal on the mat, it's probably by accident. They are strong-style, full-contact fighters. They pull no punches. Within seconds their chests, ribs, and abs are covered with  the pink outlines of each other's hands and knuckles.

I could be mistaken about this, but I think Joker and Angel were the guys who made ball torture (actual ball torture) a part of the UCW house style. If not, they still deserve credit for making it almost an art form. Joker tells the cameraman to bring the camera low, almost to mat level. He wants his strike on Angel's nutsack to be caught on film. It is, and Angel howls in pain. (I'm pretty sure it's the real thing.) "Now," Joker wonders aloud, "If I was a little bitch, what would I sound like?" Pause. "Angel?" Angel cries out again. Seconds later, Angel smacks his bare foot to Joker's crotch. It's a loud smack that the mike picks up. It's not a superimposed sound effect. It's not one of the wrestlers striking the mat to simulate contact. It's an actual smack ... that you can hear. Think about it. Apart from the resultant screams, what does a foot colliding with testicles sound like? How hard and fast would the collision need to be to make any sort of sound at all?

Hard to believe but it has been almost five years since Joker and Angel last wrestled on the UCW mats, and their return in Match 533 is a reminder that these are the guys who established UCW's reputation as the freewheeling fight-riot it is even today. In 2012 they fought each other, and I wrote, "[T]hey are two of the most dynamic, uninhibited, creative, and demented wrestlers on the UCW roster. There's no predicting what either will do next--it's like their brains are constantly set at 'Shuffle'--but somehow out of all the chaos we get a smooth, sharp, and remarkably balanced contest." That sort of on-the-spot creativity has an energy unlike any other, and it's palpable in their old videos, and palpable here in this 35-minute reunion match, too. Five years later, they are still the craziest but most inventive (and boundary-busting) bad-asses in underground wrestling.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

You Had Me at Six Foot Six Two Hundred Sixty Pounds

Viking vs Bolt, Rough & Ready 93 and Viking vs Blayne, Rough & Ready 94 (Thunder's Arena)


Mr. Mike knows how to spot a superstar. This new giant, Viking, fulfills my occasional need for the shivers. My knees are shaking. My fight or flight response halts between the two options. Viking is gorgeous in a lumberjack meets Atlas sort of way, another intimidating factor since beauty, like fear, strikes me with a paralyzing force.

Both these matches are similar, basically mirror images of each other, in fact. You have your choice of flavors, though: Bolt (5'7", 150#) or Blayne (5'9", 165#). Given the body mass differences between Viking and his two fetching challengers, there's no mystery how these battles eventually pan out. The narrative arcs strongly resemble each other, with the first half devoted to comic horsing around and the second, to Viking's legitimate prowess as a strongman wrestler.

Viking himself as a physical presence is the foremost predictor of whether you'd want these videos. If statuesque Nordic muscle-gods are not your particular thing, your decision may already be made. The rest of us have to chose between Blayne or Bolt. With some extra change in my pocket a few days ago, I opted for both. I don't regret a penny of it even though they cost me the equivalent of a steak and three cocktail dinner in a nice restaurant. Sure, it was like buying two of the same thing, but when the thing makes you happy, who wouldn't want two?

Given his dimensions, Viking may find it difficult to find competition, though his chances are better at the Arena than anywhere but mainstream promotions. I'd spend money to see Maveric take a crack at him. Other worthy contenders include Mark Muscle, Brute, Tanked, Vinny, and Brian Cage, and it would be a goddamn waste if Viking never takes part in the Ring Wars series. I loved both matches against Bolt and Blayne, but I have to admit I feel that I still haven't seen Viking's full potential as a wrestler. Still, the star power would be there even if Thunder's only videotaped him painting in watercolors. He, all on his own, is a sight to see! Blayne and Bolt are just the frosting, but, oh, what frosting!

Note: Viking vs Bolt lasts 21 minutes. Viking vs Blayne lasts 19.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Intercrural Athletes

Justin Powers vs Dante, Catalog 2 - Muscle Boys Get Rough (MuscleBoy Wrestling)

If this match is any indication, MuscleBoy Wrestling's Catalog 2 measures up to all the expectations raised by Catalog 1. Powers vs Dante is tough and tender by turns, and by gum, from beginning to end it works without sacrificing intensity or eroticism. It's been done well before, but this kind of balance is difficult to replicate or maintain--aggression and attraction, pain and lust, Ares and Eros, frottage and punishment, control and explosive emotion. Erotic fighting on this high level puts the romance into S&M-themed combat with force and subtlety--without irony or vulgarity. I've seen as good, but I have never seen better than this.

The chemistry and timing of Powers and Dante together is just about perfect. There are just so many ways a match like this can go wrong, and while it's not absolutely perfect, these two battlers together hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head. I have to tell you I had just about given up on finding anything like this from a twenty-first-century promotion. Lately, as some of you have noticed, I've been basing a lot of my eroto-combat fantasies on underground videos from the 1990s or antique black-and-white newsreels of grunt-n-groan wrestling from the 1950s. I'm not criticizing other contemporary promotions--their work continues to amaze and excite me--but the balance here is just so ME, for lack of a better word, or, more specifically, it's so MY DREAM.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Limb from Limb

Jaden Marsh vs Case "CT" Thornton, The Rematch (Movimus Wrestling)

In this Vegas rematch between able newcomer Marsh and an ornerier than usual Thornton, Movimus brings its roughest, most suspenseful match in memory. Jaden especially feels the pressure, determined to redeem himself after taking a licking from Case back in March. We get some hint of things to come when Marsh invades Thornton's space while the man is still doing his warmup stretches--a noteworthy breach of protocol I don't remember seeing previously at Movimus. Back in March Jaden fully demonstrated his resilience and skills but found himself frustrated by CT's frustrating habit of staying one step ahead. Perhaps it's no surprise, then, that at times in this fight Jaden literally goes for the jugular.

CT, too, has something to prove, or so it seems as he packs this match to the hilt with molto aggressive headlocks, scissor holds, and gracilis-snapping stretches. Jaden, however, absorbs the pain, which is immense, and turns it into not just a stubborn refusal to tap out but a series of strategic counter-attacks, bordering on gratuitous torture. This is a tug of war with muscle and tendons instead of a rope. I would imagine these guys are still feeling residual pain from the punishments dealt here.

Unusually intense even for submission wrestling, the 24-minute match (not counting the opening warmups) is authentic give and take from beginning to end. In my opinion, this one is far more grueling, thus more engrossing than the first, in which the two played nice by comparison. The idea of a "feud" (to pull a word from Movimus's online match description) is all the more welcome--and based on the wrestlers' ferocity, perhaps unavoidable.


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