Reptilian Brain

Eli Black vs Max Ryder, Match 562 (UCW)

I'm not sure that any kind of motto appears on my family crest, but might I suggest "Sweaty Chokeout Finisher"? It's not Latin, but in me the words effect a barely detectable tremor of ecstasy. Not the words, then, but their literal embodiment at the climax of Black vs Ryder triggers a visceral response so elegant and refined it could almost pass as a stirring of the soul (or its darker quarters).

Eli Black has had a very eventful 2017 - what with dying and coming back to life as an amnesiac babyface. This is a guy I once said the world would be better off without. Now he's Polly-fucking-anna. When Max Ryder brings up the subject of Eli's reputation for trash-talking, the newly-minted naif replies, "I don't have any recollection of doing that, but I'm terribly sorry about it."

Max is a good bit bigger and heavier than Eli, but Eli has taken on big guys like Marcus Ares before and more than held his own and, well, ... where is Ares now? But that was the old Eli, and though I downloaded this match half-expecting the return of that old Eli, here he is, all wide-eyed and innocent like the Gerber baby.

Despite his size and might, Max always seems a little nervous going in to one of these matches, and he's more nervous than usual when facing Eli on the mat. And for good reason, too. Even un-evil, Black is a mercurial and aggressive opponent. He gets the first fall of the match, thunderously slamming Max to the mat and immediately apologizing: "I didn't mean to do that so hard." Whatever. It helps Max get over his jitters and turn the heat up on Eli with a camel clutch ferocious enough to cause some lasting damage to the spine.

About two-thirds of the way through this 28-minute fight, a piledriver touches off a chain of very interesting events that majorly sexes up the video for me. The abundance of sweat - a given in any Max Ryder match - is Guinness World Record stupendous and sexy as fuck. At this point it might as well be a Turkish oil match. Additionally the guys, whatever their previous temperaments, are all in, fighting on instincts alone, by which I mean reptilian-brain instincts. At this point the dialogue (including the apologies) is at a minimum, and fists start doing most of the talking. Could Eli's inner bastard be emerging at last? Or has the time come for Eli to die a second death by full-on thumbs-on-the-adam's-apple choke? I won't say. It's better if you find out for yourself.

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  1. phenomenal match. i'm enjoying max coming into his own. he does always seem nervous going into a match. my suggestion to him is challenge opponents such as black to a test of strength right out of the gate. that should bolster his confidence. he manhandled black a few times- my favorite parts of the match.


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