Objects of Fascination

Chace LaChance vs Christian Thorn (Wrestler4Hire)

First, I was drawn in by Christian, bodybuilder and sometimes cagefighter, who is more familiar to me as a submission wrestler elsewhere. I was curious about how he might fare in the squared circle. My expectations were kind of high because of his aggressiveness and strong sense of drama as a mat wrestler. I was also interested in seeing him at Wrestler4Hire, which has developed a symbiotic (right word?) relationship with all the other wrestling promotions I'm familiar with, both underground and regional.

Second, I was drawn in by Chace, whose body has never been more marvelously built than it is at this moment. I'm seriously debating whether it is, in fact, the finest physique I will ever see in my life. (Had he chest hair AND this body, I'd probably implode.) Seriously, this body should be immortalized in bronze, and with his trimmed beard, he is a living, breathing flashback to the sword-and-sandal heroes I worshiped as a boy. Chace has been an object of fascination for me for the past six years or so. Even in his slim years, he was a uniquely attractive man. 

What clinched the deal for me, what hypnotized me into pressing "Buy," was the sweat, unsurprisingly. The short preview gave me a glimpse of it. In the full 19-minute match, it makes a subtle entrance about four minutes in. Chace even scolds Christian for sweating too "early." Four minutes later, the shine is impossible to ignore. In another four minutes, the word sopping  seems almost inadequate. In full shimmer, these two transcendent bodies are sumptuous treats for the eye when striking poses but, even more, when entangled on the mat.

I was drawn by Thorn and sold on the match by sweat. But LaChance is the reason I will return to this match again and again. Gorgeous body aside, he appears comfortable and assured in his role as heel. Soft-spoken and dryly funny, he speaks to Christian almost continuously in soothing tones that suggest an emergency rescue worker even while throwing some first-rate shade. "You doin' some competition or sump'n?" he asks the rookie, while flexing his own competition-ready muscles.  Christian answers confidently, beaming as he proclaims what place he took. "Well," Chace says quietly, "someone has to be the first ones there." Subtle insults are the least of Christian's worries, however. Chace's punches are stiff, strategically designed to weaken his opponent. A better grappler than pro wrestler, Christian sticks with what he knows best, gamely climbing up the heel's muscular body to attempt a choke, but when Chace at last relents and grapples with the guy, he shows he can beat Thorn at his own game.

The match's flaws - there are some - are largely eclipsed by the beauty of the two bodies. The video is choppily edited, suggesting multiple outtakes, retakes, and the like. But the biggest flaw is the wholesale neglect of the ropes and turnbuckles. They are hardly touched at all, much less used as a base for punishing an opponent. I can't honestly complain about the mat grappling - I love it! - but at least use the ropes a little bit, guys! I would have chipped in an extra buck or two for a shot of Chace choking Christian against the top rope or, better, corner-mounting him for 10 brisk punches to the face.

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