"Blaine Janus Is a Bitch"










Jonny Firestorm vs Blaine Janus, Leopard's Lair 6 (BG East)

At heart, Firestorm is a comic heel, not in a broad, buffoonish way, though. His humor is subtle, sly, deadpan, way funnier than watching Hulk Hogan or Mick Foley play to the cheap seats. At his best, as he is here in his latest for BG East, a slight eye movement is as good as a ba dum ching. If Buster Keaton had been a pro wrestling heel, he would have been Firestorm. Or Bob Newhart. Or Steven Wright. 

On top of that, Jonny's a master of wrestling holds. He knows holds that make me hurt just watching him apply them - in this case, to poor Blaine Janus, who's fooled into thinking he's getting a wrestling lesson from Jonny. The setup is that Kid Leopard leaves Janus in Firestorm's care. The Kid is or pretends to be contemptuous of Jonny, giving him grunt chores like shining the gigantic ringside mirror and giving Jonny's favorite white boots to Blaine to train in. "Take care of him," Leopard tells Firestorm, indicating Janus. Then, eyebrow arched, he repeats, "'Take' 'care' 'of' 'him.'" We all know that song.

The video falls into distinct sections or acts. The first is as I described it in the previous paragraph, with Janus naively falling into the trap, even worse, digging his own grave by repeatedly drawing attention to Firestorm's expanding waistline. But then there's a sudden unexpected turn, which is that sexy Blaine knows more ring tactics than he lets on, throwing a curveball into the familiar storyline. Two more reversals are still to come - and the mayhem is increasingly murderous, nearly literally so, and, then, in the finale Kid Leopard reenters the scene, his latest catamite in tow, to clean up the mess - or perhaps to some other end?


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