Thirty Minutes of Pure Awesome














Besides UCW, who makes matches like this anymore? Nobody, that's who. UCW is officially out of fuckin' control and has been for the last year, and this 30-minute tag-team battle is delirious, slick, brutal, and jawdropping and nobody, nobody, could have made this match but UCW. Nobody else has hairy enough balls. When an event is this hot, it makes every other wrestling company look like the National League of Junior Cotillions. Seriously, dudes, tuck in your shirts and give the debutantes their corsages because these four boys are plain-old kicking ass.

The pairings could not be any better: Axel and Austin in deep red trunks are the good guys. And Quinn Harper and Joker in shocking pink are the heels. All four have proven grit. Of course, at UCW good guys do some very bad things; only the bad guys do them badder. The best parts are when all four wrestlers are in the ring and cooking up chaos from scratch. I've said it before: I used to hate tag-team matches because in olden days, when I was young, TV wrestling shot most tag events from a distance so that all the action could fit into the television frame. Here, the camera keeps a respectful distance at first, but then climbs in to give us a closer look at the winners' abuses and the losers' panicked howls. Towards the end, I half expect the cameraman to jump right on top of the scrabble. Heck, I wish he would have.

You have to wait a minute to get to the rasslin'. Quinn and Joker refuse to get into the ring until Axel tags out so that Joker can wrestle Austin. (I do not blame Joker one bit.) When Axel gives in, Joker bounds into the ring to face a supremely self-assured Austin and immediately U-turns, tagging Quinn in. (I see Joker's point here, too.) After all that, the fight starts with Axel and Joker, with Joker taking a commanding lead, almost choking out Axel in the video's first three minutes. Axel clambers into the ropes. Anywhere else, the ref could call for the break. At UCW, Axel takes care of himself, eventually choking his assailant against the bottom rope.

Some of my favorite parts have Quinn and Austin in the ring together. This first happens at the beginning when Joker backs off from Tyler. After the Pinks' unconscionably long double-teaming of Axel, Tyler jumps in and very nearly chokes out Joker. When he shoots Harper a bird, a provoked Quinn interferes to break up the choke. Now it's Tyler's turn to get double-teamed. Later, when Axel is fighting Joker in the ring, Quinn and Austin duke it out at ringside. Around the 13:00 and 17:00 marks, Austin and Quinn have some quality time together in the center of the ring, out of reach of their partners - mostly to Quinn's disadvantage.

There's nothing I don't like here. The rowdyism hits its peak in the last two minutes with all four players in play. Yep, it looks like UCW is ready to come out of the garage and into the ring with all its rough edges in fine array.


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