Schoolboy Crush

Dev Michaels vs Kip Sorell, Fantasymen 36 (BG East)

Always a cutie-pie, Kip Sorell looks hotter, manlier, in Fantasymen 36  than I've ever seen him . Naively, though, he informs Teutonic strongman Dev Michaels, "The Boss told me to ask you to teach me a few bear hugs." "That's no problem," Dev replies, striking a biceps pose, deadpan as Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs, "I think I can do that." The here-let-me-show-you-some-wrestling-holds ruse is an old chestnut in underground wrestling, as easy as cellophane to see through. It's the BG East equivalent of a pick-up line. The twist here is that it's introduced by the "rookie," who has now been falling for the trick for close to five years.

I'm not an enthusiastic consumer of squash jobs, but I try to keep an open mind. It's hard to expect anything other than a squash with Kip pitted against Dev. "We don't have all day," Kip whines as Dev stalls, contemplating his mirror reflection. That's optimistic. My guess is that the Kipster doesn't have even a half-hour. Michaels literally barks and growls for the full 24 minutes, while Sorell's bread and butter is, and always has been, his grimaces and moans. Within the first five minutes, sweat begins to grace Dev's furrowed forehead and Kip's Hawaiian Tropic shoulders. At the 06:34 mark, a reverse bear hug presents us with a well delineated outline of Kip's uncupped cock and balls against his silky aquamarine trunks.The acorn-shaped glans points northward as clear as daylight. That, my friends, is why God made Ultra HD TV and pause buttons.

In the ring and out of the ring, against the ropes and through the ropes, in the air and on the mat, right-side up and upside down, Michaels imbues the bear hug with Seussian whimsy and fantasy. The match is very nearly as great as his epic Wrestle Revenge match against Tyrell Tomsen. It also ranks as one of my favorites of Sorell's store of hard bludgeonings - neck and neck with those provided by the alliteration trinity Kid K, Jake Jenkins, and Guido Genatto.

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  2. Love the squash job, especially big vs little!


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