Tommy Tornado's Ass

Team Turbulence (Tommy Tornado & Tommy Torpedo) vs Party Patrol (Janni Jarruk & Zacharias Falk) , NEW Provocation 2019 (NEW European Championship Wrestling)

Let's get to the meat of the matter, I love the bounce of Tommy Tornado's ass. Tommy Torpedo's sweaty butt-jiggle is super-fine, too, especially after he attempts to pin Janni Jarruk (in the last GIF), but, for me, Tornado's cheeks win by an infinitesimal margin. Of course, Team Turbulence's peach-colored trunks show off their asses better than the black trunks do, even though these trunks better match the color of their wicked little hearts. Watching this February 2nd match, I am drawn less to the wrestling (more choreography than grappling) than to the daydream of an all-night three-way with Torpedo and Tornado.

That's not to deny the delights the choreography does provide. The Tommies' synchronized attacks are entertaining. They have the wow factor. I'm amused and entertained even though I'm not usually fond of wrestling played for laughs. You can observe many of these maneuvers in the Austrians' other matches with practically no variation in pace and outcome, and for good reason - they work and they rile up the fans.

Tornado's butt-jiggle is best observed in the second and fourth GIFs as he is bucked off a near pin and as he recoils from stomping his opponent in the belly. Rock-solid muscle is admirable, but a touch of gelatinous motion makes me want to jump on top of a guy. One or two seconds' worth is enough. More than that and desire fades. Jiggle is inviting, which is one reason I prefer wrestling to posing. The best wrestling makes me want to jump in and join (which would be disastrous, of course). In bodybuilding contests, the bronzed participants are like statues in museums, surrounded by "Do Not Touch" signs. Bodybuilders can be beautiful, amazingly so, but I desire wrestlers, and I have always chosen desire over beauty.

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