Toe to Toe

Chase Michaels vs Eli Black, Match 658 - Sleeper Match #26, Lost Video Collection (UCW)

No fight involving Eli Black and Chase Michaels  should ever be "lost." This so-called "lost video" spotlights two of my favorite UCW villains in a battle where toeholds outnumber the sleepers that give the video its name. The battle is grounded in give and take, but Chase maintains control for a good three-quarters of it, and Eli comes as close to getting totally squashed as he is ever likely to.

To my knowledge, this is only the second time these two have faced each other. The first was way back in 2016. It's been too long. These guys together are explosive. Chase is the glum, shadowy, and thoroughly amoral style of heel, while American psycho Eli specializes in cutting gibes that are nearly as crippling as his joint-snapping assaults. Putting these guys together in the squared circle spells trouble - but it's the kind of trouble that's hard to turn away from. 

Chase interrupts Eli's training session, asking who gave him permission to be in the ring. "If you must know," Eli fires back, "it was your boyfriend Axel." "My boyfriend?" Chase protests. "First of all, didn't give you fuckin' permission to be in here today. It doesn't matter about Axel. I seen him this morning. To be honest with ya, he's fuckin' hogtied right now, probably suckin' Wolf Boy's dick." (Let's just put it out there that this is the funniest line Michaels has ever delivered, and he delivers it pitch perfect. And it damn well might be the funniest line in UCW history.)

Eli is not amused. "Listen, punk," he says, "don't make me put you to sleep again." Chase answers with a karate chop to the side of Eli's neck. How quickly these boys progress from a spat to all-out war! Over the next six minutes Chase knocks Eli clean out not once, not twice, but three times! Then Eli fires back with a low blow that makes Chase and every male who sees it feel like radioactive fire-ants are devouring his balls!

Eli follows with a headlock, his adversary's face smashed to the canvas, while introducing toe torture to the mix (third screenshot above). In a fuming rage, Eli proceeds to break not only every rule of fair play but also the laws of human physiognomy. Did you even look  at the sixth shot up above?!? This fight is wild and hairy not just because both fighters sport beards (killer look, guys, by the way) but also because it bulldozes to an apocalyptic finish that suggests (only suggests)  that one of these dudes up and "deflowers" the other (to borrow UCW's delicate spin on the subject).

Given that Chase and Eli are in it, there is no way I wasn't going to love this match, but this brawl - as full of surprises as an early morning shower of presidential tweets - was better than I had dreamed it could be. I'm amazed how great 2019 is going so far - for me and other UCW fans especially!

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