You Better Watch Out

Jax Atwell vs El Fuego vs Zack Reno vs Tyson the Hammer, Match 694  - The Holiday Match 2019 (UCW)

This is UCW's best holiday mash to date, even better than Axel wrestling in a dress for Halloween 2012 (which was kinda hot, really). At the beginning, Axel explains the rules of the game - and what an awesome game! - four wrestlers, handcuffs attached to the four corners of the ring, the winner being the wrestler who remains uncuffed at the end. Losers get the added humiliation of elves' hats, making them the little helpers of the victor, who wears the Santa hat. It's a rowdy mess, and it may be the greatest Christmas-themed wrestling match of any promotion, ever.

UCW can be relied on for three things -
  1. roughhouse - the kind that really hurts but nobody seems to mind
  2. holiday matches (UCW is nothing if not spirited and always in the moment)
  3. made-from-scratch angles (or at least this one sounds like something Bodyslam and Axel would dream up)
The current champ (Zack Reno) and the ex-champ (Tyson the Hammer) are on hand, along with two relative newbies: El Fuego, celebrating his one-year (and a quarter) anniversary at UCW, and Jax Atwell, celebrating two months. The safe money is on Reno; risk-takers will bet on Atwell. The mayhem begins with the wrestlers pairing up, Tyson vs Jax and Zack vs Fuego, but these neat divisions soon crash into a single amorphous heap.

Christmas decorations hang ominously over the fighters' heads, ready at any second to be weaponized. Testosterone levels are high. Bedlam reigns in Santa's little workshop. Even after a wrestler is cuffed and technically out of competition, he continues to take every opportunity to thrust his heel through another wrestler's teeth. In the final third of the 35-minute brawl, we are down to two men standing, duking it out to decide the ultimate victor of a fiercely slogged reindeer game.

Beyond its holiday setting, this orgiastic free-for-all is a certified boner-bait classic.

Visit UCW here.


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