Through the Roof

Calvin Haynes vs Kirk Donahue, Wrestler Spotlight: Calvin Haynes (BG East)

So yesterday I get this email from my friend Dr. L:

The recently released BGE Calvin Haynes Wrestler Spotlight features a final match versus Kirk Donahue that reveals the Donahue I've been waiting to see. If not full-blown heel, he's close. And he sweats as if his pores have been understudying Davey Richards' sweat glands. It's a good hard-fought match, but for a die-hard Donahue fan it's even better than that. Close to a revelation. Perhaps I overstate it, but given that the mention of Kirk Donahue's name can sexually excite me, this match sends me through the roof. Haynes is hot, too, of course, which makes it even better. But this is Donahue's match, and the final minute or so was made for Donahue worship. I'm starting out my spring break a happy man.

So I'm thinking "Damn. My spring break has started, too. Like the good doctor I'm a die-hard fan of Kirk and very fond of Calvin. Why am I not on top of this?" So I got on top, pronto!

As if to underscore Dr. L's point, the 25-minute match opens with Kirk attacking Calvin from behind. When Calvin, strong, burly, and apparently unfazed, turns to face his attacker, Kirk begs off, apologizing, claiming he didn't mean to do that, a supremely cowardly response, befitting a heel. "Let's have a nice clean match," he suggests, holding his right hand out to Calvin, his left hand behind his back, his fingers crossed. When Calvin reaches out to shake the extended hand, Kirk slams his boot to the big man's midsection and ricochets off the ring ropes, only to be caught midair in the kind of bear hug only a strapping man's man like Haynes can pull off with any degree of credibility. 

His lower spine crushed in Calvin's grip, Kirk bawls like a baby, again claiming, "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Then not one heartbeat later, he escapes by punching Calvin in the face and resumes his animated and masterful assault. The give and take continues for eight more minutes,with Calvin delivering self-assured comeuppance to the newly hatched heel. Yet Kirk's comebacks are increasingly vicious and fantastically energetic. The last fifteen minutes belongs to Kirk alone, now shiny (as promised) with perspiration. His savagery against Haynes is unprecedented in Donahue's BGE career. This may be the most shocking and explosive heel turn in all BGE history! For years I've admired the dramatic beauty of Kirk's sufferings, but they pale next to his sadism and insolence. This may be the main event of Haynes's much-deserved spotlight, but Donahue doesn't merely steal the show; he burns the squared circle to the ground!

Visit BG East here.